Tuesday 29 July 2014

Were the naysayers on to something?

"We don't like twins" was the opening remark of the first doctor I saw after finding out I was pregnant with twins.  It hit me like a slap in the face.  I was expecting "congratulations."  She went on to tell me every possible risk factor there is with an identical twin pregnancy.  I left in tears feeling like my uterus was a ticking bomb.  One of the next doctors I saw proceeded to tell me that there was no way I was going to carry two healthy babies to full term and he recommended a c-section at thirty-five weeks. So it went on. It seemed that the health professionals were determined to kill my buzz.


Random people at work and even one in line at a coffee shop went out of their way to tell me they had once had a twin pregnancy but it didn't work out. These are not stories I needed to hear.  I did my best to stay confident but between the experts, the anecdotes and Dr Google it was a pretty nerve-racking period.

I ended up delivering naturally at 34 weeks and the babies were in the neonatal unit for three weeks.  It's a bit of a blur but the discharge summary mentions respiratory distress, apneas, caffeine treatment (for me or the baby?), sepsis, jaundice and a whole heap of other words I don't know the meaning of.  For three weeks, I spent my time traipsing between home and the hospital, trying desperately to find babysitting for my not quite two year old, give her the attention she needed plus bond with the babies.  It wasn't a fun time.

I now realise that 34 weeks gestation with three weeks in hospital is actually pretty good for twins and despite our ups and downs, the boys have done really well.  However, it would seem we are in the minority. I have kept in touch with three other twin mums who I met in the neonatal unit and all three have ended back in hospital after discharge. 

This weekend we're heading to country Victoria for a wedding - four hours on a plane plus one and a half on a bus. We committed months ago and of course I'm nervous but I'm excited. Would I have booked if I'd known what I do now? Probably not. Am I glad I did? Yes. Let's just hope we continue to overcome the odds and the boys not only stay healthy but we have a great time. Fingers crossed!

Saturday 26 July 2014

Fear Of Missing Out

Anyone who grew up in Perth probably remembers going to Scitech for school excursions.  I remember heading into the city on a bus, the big dome on top of the building, escalators (quite exciting for a country girl) and that's before you even get to the exhibitions - things to climb, things to smell, things to touch. 

On Thursday when my sister reversed out of the driveway, taking Miss 2 to toddlerfest at Scitech, I suffered from FOMO.  It's of course not that I wanted to worry about parking and lining up with crowds of toddlers and their stressed parents.  I am hugely grateful to have missed that. What I wanted was to see my daughter having a super-fun time as she discovered new things. That moment when she realises that she presses a button and the lights come on or she jumps on a square and the music starts.  The sense of accomplishment that shows on her face when she realises she's achieved something is just delightful. That's what I wanted to see.

However, on this occasion I was at home rocking the babies and Miss 2 was out with aunty Claire.  I felt like such a mum as I put together all her things - change of clothes, wipes, waterbottle, healthy biscuits, piece of fruit.  I printed out their tickets, instructed Claire on how to do up the car seat and waved goodbye.  Not with a sense of worry at all, just a bit of sadness that I wasn't going with them.

A few hours later, though, when Miss 2 burst through the door with fits of excitement trying to tell me everything she had seen as much as a two and a bit year old can, everything was ok. "Moon! Bubbles! Balls! Car!"  I wasn't there at the time but I certainly still got to enjoy seeing how happy she was about it all.  Now when I see her playing with the toy she got on the way out (that's what aunties are for), I have the memory of her excitement when she got home.  It might not be the same as being there but it's still pretty good.  Plus I remember that she was exhausted and had the best afternoon nap she's had in ages.  A good day for all.

Wednesday 23 July 2014

A few minutes to delight a toddler

The babies are currently only sleeping forty minutes at a time during the day. I've tried patting, rocking, feeding, letting cry, not letting cry, more awake time, less awake time. Ninety percent of the time I end up pushing them in the pram, whether it be backwards and forwards in the house or actually going for a walk. It's certainly not a great situation but at least they are getting sleep.  Fortunately these are not my first children and I know that whatever is going on with them, it's only for a little while.

On the flipside, it is unfortunate these are not my first children because the person suffering most from the attention the babies are demanding is my toddler. There are only so many walks she can go on and no matter how hard I try, it is quite difficult to do much else besides push a pram, particularly a rather heavy tandem pram. I am, however, learning to really make the most of every moment we have together.

On Monday we were walking home with the roadtrain - boys each in a capsule and Miss 2 on the kickboard at the back. She was very interested in all the puddles around and she wanted to stop and play. My natural instinct was to distract her from this idea and rush us home so I could get on with the feed, bath, bed mission in hopes that the babies would be done and dusted in time to get a few jobs done before starting the feed, bath, bed process again for Miss 2. As I turned the corner onto our street though I realised that if the boys were in the pram they would probably stay asleep or at least happy a bit longer. What harm would it do to let her have a bit of a play in the puddles? So instead of rushing home and focusing on the babies, we rushed home, put on our gumboots and went back out. We both had a splash, Miss 2 fell over, got back up, giggled, kicked, ran, got dirty, loved every moment.  It started to rain and we headed home.  I looked at my watch, we'd only been out ten minutes but it was the best ten minutes of my day. She was happy, I was happy and the babies were still asleep. Ten minutes was all it took.








Monday 21 July 2014

Twins – there’s no going back!

I wrote the below in October 2013 thinking that I might become a regular blogger. Nine months later I am revisiting the idea.

About three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant with twins. After a recent failed IVF attempt, my husband and I turned up to the ultrasound with our 17 month old daughter anxious and tetchy. Sensing our tension, little J was not on her best behaviour, commencing her whinging just as the cold gel hit my tummy.  My husband Ed was busy going through my bag searching for something to entertain her when the sonographer, Paige, calmly said, “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” 
We both looked up at the screen as she pointed to two little blobs, “That’s one and that’s two”.  My eyes immediately welled up and a smile broke out. Twins!  I had been absolutely paranoid despite the positive pregnancy test that there wasn’t going to be a healthy beating heart.   Now there was two.  Unbelievable. 
Paige (who I’d never met before and will probably never meet again but I guess I’ll never forget) was amazing. She told us she had to do a whole lot of boring measurements and while she was doing that we should just talk to each other and absorb the information. By this point Ed had broken out the food for J and she was pretty busy eating her pikelets.  Ed seemed to be taking a little longer than me to absorb the information. “Two babies!” he exclaimed.
Meanwhile I had skipped forward six months. “How am I going to keep two babies inside of me for nine months?” I’d had a perfectly healthy pregnancy with J but she was born at 37 weeks and just 2.8kg. I’m 163cm and weigh 48kg. The sheer physical challenge was/is daunting.