Wednesday 24 February 2016

How holiday planning has changed

We're going to Bali! Last minute decision to take advantage of free flights before the boys turn two.

The last time we went on a really spontaneous holiday was probably in 2009. That was when Kevin Rudd was giving out economy stimulation money and we were both in a bit of a rut at work. We went to New York. It was fantastic...you only live once...no regrets...all those things...

A lot has changed since then. 

That time we just thought where would we be fun that we hadn't been before. This time we thought where would be easy and not too long of a flight. That time we found an apartment on Craig's list. It was tiny but in a superb location on Bleecker Street. This time the key location consideration is that it's not too far from the airport. 

I know you can't really compare Bali to New York but I can compare to the last time we went to Bali. That time we went to two different places; Amed which is a slightly off the tourist track and Ubud. This time we're staying at a resort in Nusa Dua and just the idea of moving locations sends shivers up my spine. Tourist central is fine with me and I am completely ok if we don't leave the resort.

Pre-children was all about location. The actual room we stayed in didn't mean too much to me. It was just somewhere to sleep. Post-children, the accommodation really matters. It needs to be big enough that we won't have to whisper while the children are sleeping and there needs to be things to do. Having children's activities was the number one priority in choosing our accommodation. 

What else has changed? I think the only special request I'd ever considered pre-children was late check-out. This time I've requested car seats for the transfers and a pool fence around our private pool. Previously, the idea of stepping out the door into a pool sounded luxurious. Now it just causes anxiety.

Of course comparing no children to three children is extreme. It wasn't like this when we had just one baby. We had a great holiday with baby J. A week in London and three fantastic weeks travelling around Spain. She was just short of one and at that age you can still do a lot of the things you would do without children. We went to museums and art galleries, we ate out at bars and some quite nice restaurants. Of course we also completely embraced the siesta. We didn't go to a single park and we didn't have to. It was just the right age. A little bit older and we would have had to work in activities for her. 

That's where we're at now. The children need things to do. I'm not planning to drop them off at a creche and run but I am planning to go with them to do children's activities. What we do will be based on what I think will be nice for them. The reality is that unless they're happy I'm not happy so the best thing to do is to keep them happy. 

The irony is that right now relaxing by the pool and reading a book sounds like a dream but before we had children, when that was an option, it isn't what I wanted to do. When we came to Bali before we did activities everyday; scuba diving, white water rafting, bike riding. We went into the towns, we ate with the locals. There was a bit of lying around by the pool and it was nice but it wasn't what I went on holiday for. I had the opportunity to switch off and basically do nothing but it wasn't what I wanted. 

How things change!

Wednesday 17 February 2016

The love of a twin

If you google 'amazing twin stories' you will find some fascinating reading. There is one particular story that always comes up about twins who were separated at three weeks and found each other at the age of 39. They had both been named Jim by their adoptive parents, both married and divorced women named Linda, both married again to women named Betty and both had sons named James. Identical twins separated at birth is like a dream for people interested in nature versus nurture research. These two are still being studied by the University of Minnesota.

There will be none of that with my boys because the most they've been separated is to opposite sides of a small room for about a week while they were in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). When they were born, they were pretty swiftly whipped away and put into separate humidicribs. I did think it was a bit sad that they had to be separated after literally being on top of each other for 34 weeks but they also couldn't breathe independently so I was pretty happy for the doctors to do whatever they thought best. About a week later, they moved into a SCN (special care nursery) but the hospital was experiencing an unprecedented twin boom and we had to go on a wait list for a twin bassinet. They were next to each other but still in separate bassinets. 

I didn't think too much about it until the day when some lucky parents got to take their twins home and we got to inherit their twin bassinet. I didn't know it was a big deal for me but I was pretty overwhelmed when I walked in one morning and found them together in a twin bassinet. Nothing magical happened. They didn't all of a sudden start eating well and put on massive amounts of weight, their disposition didn't change, they didn't all of a sudden smile and reach out to one another. Really, nothing happened at all. It was just nice. 

Nearly two years on I can't say that I have any miraculous stories about the twin bond. Nothing super weird has happened. The boys like each other. They like each other a lot. I just can't say I have any super amazing stories. Having said that, over the last few weeks, something pretty incredible has happened. It has really made me sit up and think about how special the twin relationship is. 

Master L took his first steps 11 weeks ago. Nearly three months ago. It was a big deal. He was just short of 20 months old. Well and truly time to start walking. Do you think he did? No. Not at all. Not even close. For the past 11 weeks, we have caught him stealthily taking a few steps here and there. We've seen him basically run when pushing something around, he would walk for miles holding my hand but try as we might to encourage him, he simply has not been interested in actually independently walking. Not at all. Not even a tiny little bit. I thought he would be happier if he walked and he clearly could if he tried but it's not something you can make someone do. So he didn't. Fine. Weird but fine I thought.

Then just a few weeks ago, Master S took his first steps. At nearly 22 months, this was a massive deal. The physio had told us not to expect him to walk until he was 2 so this was pretty amazing. We didn't get too excited as based on our experience with Master L, first steps doesn't actually mean that much is going to change soon. The difference between S and L though is from that day forward, Master S has been keen. He's trying really, really hard. He's taking a few steps, falling, getting up again. He looks incredibly awkward and uncomfortable but he's showing massive determination.

As it turns out, Ed and I are not the only people super happy with Master S's progress. As we have been watching S get up, have a go and fall down over and over again, Master L hasn't just decided to start trying to walk, he has actually started walking. He's gone from taking a few steps if he thinks nobody is watching to literally doing laps of the house. 

We make a big deal of it and he looks at us like we're crazy. He has no idea why we're so impressed. Clearly L could do it all along. He was just waiting for his brother. 11 weeks of waiting. I don't have that kind of patience. Can you imagine being able to walk for 11 weeks and just choosing not to? That's some kind of special love. It must be twin love.






Thursday 11 February 2016

Playing with ice

February is living up to being the hottest month of the year in Perth. Inspired by this video, we've been doing ice activities. We've had a lot of fun and it's kept us cool but I can't say things have gone as smoothly as the lady in the video suggests. 

We started with ice boats. I used a selection of different sized plastic containers to freeze water in for the hull. The sails were just popsticks with a felt triangle glued on. 

First learning. Manage expectations. It's a bit mean to tell a 3yo we're making boats, sit down and make the sails together and then not actually be able to play with the boats until the next day. It takes a while for large amounts of water to freeze and I think she asked me approximately 53 times if the boats were ready yet. 

Second learning. In our freezer, 2.5 hours was the magic point when the water was icy enough to stick the popsticks in without them falling over but not so solid that I couldn't stick them in. Having said that, we checked about a million times so it probably wouldn't have taken quite so long if we didn't keep opening the freezer.

Third learning. Use better glue. Most of the sails came away from the popsticks within minutes of getting wet.


Finally it was time to play with the boats. Miss 3 and I were excited. Boys couldn't really have cared less. This is the bit that didn't go so smoothly. I think the problem was that the chunks of ice were too heavy but it we'd made them any smaller they would have melted too fast so I don't know what the solution isWe tried a few different 'rivers'. Firstly, a strip of foil just on a slope on the lawn.

 
The boats were too heavy and they just got stuck. Next, the foil down a slide. 

Too steep, they tumbled rather than sailed. Third, a shorter slope just into a container of water.
Still not a lot of gentle sailing down the river but the boys enjoyed just watching them float around in the body of water at the bottom so that was a win for them.


Miss 3 wasn't so convinced. She wanted a bit more action but by this point the ice had almost all melted. We ended up writing our names on the popsticks and just racing those down a piece of old pipe. This was a total success from Miss 3's point of view and way less preparation involved than making the ice boats. 

 


Conclusion. Would I play with boats again? Definitely. Would I bother to make them out of ice? Probably not. 

Next on our ice adventure was ice paints. I'd learned to set expectations this time so we made them one day and knowingly played with them the next. I just used a usual ice tray, one third paint, two thirds water and then mixed them with a popstick.

First learning. Leave a gap between colours on the ice tray. Between the stirring and moving them to the freezer there was a bit of spillage between colours. This wouldn't have been an issue if I'd just separated them out more.

Thanks to activity one, I knew to just set a timer for 2.5 hours and then easily put the popstick handles in. Now that I knew what I was doing, the preparation for this one was really quite easy. 

The best news is that the painting was pretty successful too. In fact, I'm going to say this is the best way I've found for the twins to paint. At first, not a lot of paint came off on to the paper but it didn't take long for the ice to melt and then it started to get easy. Both boys as well as Miss 3 had a good go at it. 



It got increasingly messy as the ice melted and eventually ended up as finger painting but it was actually pretty cool that the consistency kept changing because it kept things interesting. 


Conclusion. Ice painting is a winner for little tackers. We'll definitely be doing it again.

The next activity was ice animal rescue. For this one, I didn't even try to get the boys involved. I just don't think they would have the attention span. Miss 3 did pretty well with it. I'm going to say it took about an hour to rescue all the animals but I'm not sure she would have stuck with it if she didn't have adult encouragement.

The preparation for this one was a bit of a pain in the neck. To make sure the animals aren't all bunched together you have to do it in layers. I kept forgetting to add layers so it ended up taking quite a few days for me to get this organised. Fortunately I hadn't told Miss 3 about it so it was just a nice surprise for her when I got it out of the freezer one afternoon.

The great thing about this activity is there are quite a few different methods to approach the task. Miss 3 started with her tools. 



She quite quickly decided that her tools weren't good enough and demanded a tool quality upgrade. This is when the supervision stepped up.

Next she tried salt which she quite liked putting on but I don't think she particularly noticed the effect it was having. 

Water was a good one. At first just pouring water over the large ice block and then after it was broken up a bit she would leave it in a bowl of water.


Once it was broken up and not too heavy, throwing chunks of ice on to the bricks was also pretty fun. Though, unfortunately this did result in a bit of damage to one of the toys. Eventually all the animals were rescued.




















Conclusion. Success. Will do this one again too.

There were a few chunks of leftover ice so Ed and Miss 3 did some experiments together. They coloured the ice and then used salt and sugar to see how it affected the melting. It was super pretty and kind of interesting but not interesting enough to hold a 3 year old's attention for long.

Conclusion. Very little effort involved in the preparation. Won't rush to do it again but if we ever have leftover chunks of ice, may as well give it another go.

Overall conclusion on playing with ice. Very positive. Will definitely try some of these again and keep an eye out for new ideas too.

Friday 5 February 2016

Find 30

This isn't about exercise. I do nine minutes a morning. That's it. This is about spending individual time with each child. 

A reality of life is the first born child is going to receive loads and loads of individual attention. When they're not having one on one time with Mum, they're probably getting two on one time with Mum and Dad. When it comes to individual attention, first born children have it made.

A second born child will get much, much less individual time. That's reality. Then if the second born child happens to be twins and becomes second and third born all in one, the amount of individual attention they receive isn't just halved, it's pretty much negated. Parents of twins put a lot of effort into getting their children on the same schedule or risk insanity. One of my boys went through a phase of waking up from his afternoon nap a bit earlier than his brother and I would whip in and get him before the other woke. At first I was annoyed that he wasn't napping properly but I actually came to love that half an hour I got to spend with him. A week or so later when he went back to napping properly I was actually a little bit sad. Other than little snippets like that, the only individual attention the twins have regularly received is a bed time story which takes about five minutes. The singleton first born child probably got about ten hours a day. The second born twins, five minutes each. It's not fair but it is reality.

Side note: Singleton is a word only parents of multiples have ever heard. It is a word though. I didn't make it up. 

I'd heard it was a good idea to give twins individual time but hadn't really put much effort into it until their physiotherapist recommended a book on speech to me, "Baby Talk" by Sally Ward. I diligently purchased it but then nearly dismissed it because it's based on the premise that you need to spend thirty minutes of individual time each day with your child. Ed gets home from work around 5pm, we have dinner at 6pm and the boys are in bed by 7pm. How are we meant to fit in 30 minutes each?

Well it's not easy but we're trying. Motivated by a desire for them to learn to talk more and whinge less, we're trying really hard. We definitely don't achieve it everyday but just having the goal means that the boys are getting more individual time than they would otherwise. The best days are when Miss 3 is feeling independent and Ed can take one boy while I have the other. Sometimes it's not a solid 30 minutes, sometimes we only do one boy, sometimes we skip it all together. But with the goal of 30 minutes a day, we achieve it more often than we thought we would. 

Is it making a difference to their speech? It's hard to say. They're definitely coming along but that could just be good timing. What I can tell you for sure is that it's making a great difference to our relationship with each child. I'll admit that sometimes the thirty minutes feels like something I have to do, like a chore. I actually set a timer. Despite this, afterwards I feel great that I've done it and I'm finally starting to feel like I'm getting to know each boy individually. Another reality of twins is they do get treated the same, especially identical twins. The newborn months are a blur for everyone. There was no time to sit and stare. If both boys were happy, it was my opportunity to spend time with their sister. There's just no way I could have bonded as much with each boy as I did with the first born singleton. Try as I might, it just wouldn't have happened.

Now, by spending individual time with each child, I'm starting to feel that bond come along and I'm actually getting to know the boys as individuals. It turns out Master L is really keen on jigsaw puzzles. I never knew this before because if we ever sat down to do a puzzle, it would just be the two of them fighting over the pieces. Or just as likely, Miss 3 would swoop in and do it for them. Now by giving them half an hour of individual time, they get the opportunity to do their own thing without interruption and they love it. We started the individual time to help with their speech but I think we'll be keeping it up long after they're talking well. It's nice. I like it.

It's also turned out to be a great activity to do during the witching hours. Children don't whinge when they're getting individual attention. It's a fact. The last hour before dinner has always been pretty hard work but now we've turned it into an enjoyable and productive time. Yes, it means I have to be super organised with dinner, yes it means I don't really get to speak to Ed when he gets home and yes it's probably the last thing Ed feels like doing when he gets home. Ultimately, though, we both agree it's a great little exercise for the whole family. I really do recommend it to anyone with little children close together. 

Find 30. It's a good idea.