Wednesday 30 December 2015

Professional development part 2 - Make over your morning

I strongly advise against reading this if you feel like you don't get enough sleep. If you have a young baby, worries that keeps you up at night or are just generally not good at sleeping, this is not for you.

A little while ago I found myself being overly impatient and grumpier than usual. I was snappy and short and if Miss 3 decided to have an off day with her quiet play (which she is meant to do in her room while the boys are napping) I was pretty angry with her. It wasn't fair on her and it wasn't working for me. 

I decided that if I just had the opportunity to get into the right head space before everyone woke up, we'd all have a better day. I've always been a morning person, never a night owl. In year 12 I used to get up early and do an hour of study before school rather than an additional hour in the evening. Before I had children I'd go to an exercise class before work three or four times a week. It was the only exercise I ever really stuck with. Anything after work, I'd always find an excuse not to go.

So I decided to try getting up early in an attempt to gather myself before the children woke. I'd usually just do a few chores and generally potter about. I though it was working reasonably well and then I came across the "Make Over Your Morning" course by Crystal Paine. Now I feel like an absolute champion by 7am. I don't want to be dramatic but giving a bit of structure to my 'me time' in the morning has changed my life. I am happier, the children are happier, the house is happier.

At first I was a bit skeptical about the course. It seemed to be telling me things I already knew but Crystal Paine writes the Money Saving Mom blog and has nearly 800,000 Facebook likes. I have 100 so I figure she's got to be doing something right. The course includes a bit of reading and a short video each morning for two weeks. What it did was make me really think about what I wanted to achieve in the mornings and why. Like everything, some elements were more applicable to me than others. There was a part on setting goals which I pretty much completely skipped because at the time my goals were something like 1. Keep everyone alive, 2. Feed everyone. Now I'm feeling a bit more on top of things, I might revisit the idea of setting goals. 

Everyone is going to be different but my morning routine consists of three parts - exercise, chores, golden time.

I get up at 5.30am, get dressed, do the Seven Minute Scientific Workout on Youtube (it actually takes nine minutes because there are breaks). I just do it barefoot in my living room. I'm not claiming to be super fit but doing something has got to be better than doing nothing,

Once the exercise is done, I quickly do my morning chores; put on a load of washing, put away the drip dried dishes from last night and sweep the floor. I then do any necessary baking to make sure we have snacks for the day (see goal 2 - feed everyone). This is usually all done before 6am and then I have an hour of golden time before chaos unfolds.

This is when I sit down with a cup of tea at the computer and do what ever I want to do. Sometimes I read, sometimes I blog, sometimes I just stare into space and take in the silence. It's amazing. I swear this hour has made me a better person. I am so much more patient and accepting and it feels good.

Of course what I've described is the perfect scenario - exercise, quick chores, hour of golden time. Sometimes the chores take longer, sometimes the children get up earlier, sometimes I decide to prioritise sleep. On the whole though, my mornings are much improved and so is my attitude. Sacrificing a bit of time in bed has definitely been worthwhile for me.


If you missed it, Professional development part 1 was the Triple P parenting program.


Thursday 24 December 2015

Christmas traditions come naturally

I was going to make an effort this year to create some christmas traditions but then realised they've kind of come naturally. My children are all very young but we have a few things in place which I'm pretty confident will stay forever. 

Carols and lights. We had a great time at carols this year and I especially enjoyed the walk home looking at the christmas lights. It was memorable and I'm going to make it something we do every year. This is the kind of effortless activity I like. We go somewhere and walk home. Perfect. 

Ugly Christmas sweater party. This is already a highlight of our calendar. It started off as an evening event but has just been brought earlier in the day to make it more child friendly. We love it. It's a fixture. I like to think that when my children are 18, they're going to struggle to make a decision to miss it.

Nativity advent calendar. Growing up we always had an advent calendar. It was just cardboard with a picture inside each window. Last year, I wanted to get something simple and couldn't find one. Most had chocolates in them. In the end I decided to invest in a pretty special one that we will use each year. It's wooden with boxes around the outside of a magnetic board. Each box contains a character from the nativity story so over the course of advent we create the nativity scene. I'm really happy with it and also happy that I don't have to think about it each year and buy a new one. We will have it forever. Maybe even one day my grandchildren will use it.

Elf on the shelf. When I first heard about this I just wrote it off as some weird commercial thing that I didn't need to know about. However, I love it! Basically we have an elf that visits our house during the day and returns to the North Pole during the night to report back to Father Christmas. Some people set up elaborate scenes with the elf for their children to wake up to. Another idea is to have the elf bring notes back from the North Pole with suggestions of something kind they could do that day. Maybe we'll do some of these things in the future but right now we just move the elf to a different place in the house. That is exciting enough for a 3 year old and two one year olds.

Christmas books. We've acquired a few different books about Christmas. These get packed away with the decorations and get read over and over again during December. I don't know if you can call this a Christmas tradition but it's something that only happens in December and it certainly creates excitement around Christmas time.

Stockings. I grew up with stockings at the end of the bed and the notion that whatever was in the stocking is what was actually from Father Christmas. The stocking gifts are little enough to fit in the stocking and also little in terms of cost. If we're going with the idea that it comes from the big man, I'm not going to put the most expensive gift in because he visits everyone and it would be a bit weird if he brought bikes to my children and socks to the less privileged. It's more about the excitement of waking up and seeing that Father Christmas came. My memories are of the stockings being filled with water balloons and a few lollies. My children this year are all getting crayons. Not a whole pack each. One pack split up across all three. 

Food for Father Christmas. We're going to start this one tonight. I used to do this as child and it was fun. I just asked Miss 3 what she thinks Father Christmas would like. She thinks biscuits and a glass of water. I love the simplicity. We will do that.

Are you seeing my 'effortless' theme? Creating Christmas traditions doesn't have to be a big deal. These things have all come naturally. We haven't even got to Christmas day yet but I'm already confident that Miss 3 loves Christmas time.

Wednesday 16 December 2015

They'll get there eventually and it will be worth the wait

Almost two years ago exactly, I lined up with my then 18 month old to put her on a pony ride. We got to the front of the line and she kicked and screamed and didn't want to go anywhere near it. Since then, there have been numerous pony ride opportunities and I've always offered but never pushed her to try. You can't force enjoyment on somebody.

Then just last week we were at the same event from two years ago. She knew there was going to be pony rides and now as a somewhat anxious 3.5 year old, she spent the days leading up to the event telling me she didn't want to go on one. That's fine I said. You don't have to. Nobody is going to make you. 

I was sitting down eating lunch with the twins and Miss 3 came bounding back from the bouncy castle. "Mummy, mummy, mum, I DO want to go on a pony ride!" I didn't want to discourage her but I did say something upon the lines of, "So you want me to pack up the lunch, put the twins into the pram, line up in the sun and then when we get to the front of the line you will get on the horse?" "Yes!" So that is what we did and she did it. She went on the horse. I don't think she was particularly taken by horse riding but she was certainly pretty proud of herself and I was proud of her too.

It's funny how children are so different. I put both S and L on a horse too and they weren't at all phased. Not a big deal in the least but for their older sister it was a massive deal and she knew it more than anyone. I can't think of anything which has triggered her to be nervous but she's just grown up a little bit scared of things and it's so nice to see her overcoming her fears. 

Animals is a big one. Dog was one of her first words yet if one comes anywhere near her she is terrified. She wants to like them and sometimes she'll tell me she wants to pat one but really she just sneaks up, pokes it with one finger and runs away.

Last year, she absolutely refused to go anywhere near the water when we were at the beach. I tried a few times and eventually gave in and just played with her in the sand, accepting that she just didn't want to get in. Then one day she was playing happily in the sand with my parents who had also given up on asking if she wanted to get in the water. All of a sudden she jumped up and said she did want to go in. We let her get there in her own time and she did. Pushing didn't help.

There are a lot of photos around at the moment of children sitting on Father Christmas' lap. Like many of them, Miss 3 is absolutely adamant that she does not like that Christmas Man. The Easter Bunny freaks her out too. I think we're a few years away from overcoming this particular fear but one day I'll get 'that photo' and I think she'll be smiling more than anyone because she'll not just be excited to be with Father Christmas but amazingly proud to be overcoming her fear. 

It's taken me a while but I'm finally learning that there is a lot more enjoyment waiting for a child to be ready than pushing them because you think they should like it. They'll get there eventually and it will be worth the wait.

Monday 14 December 2015

A busy but stress free weekend

Christmas has well and truly arrived at our house. We had a massive weekend! Saturday morning swimming lessons, a lunch guest, afternoon/evening Christmas party, Sunday morning water playground, lunch guests and carols by candlelight Sunday night. Sounds exhausting writing it down but it was actually great and the team held up well!

The trick is to not make hard work of things. Since the twins came along, I have basically become the champion of the Australian custom of everybody bringing a plate when it comes to entertaining. The days of me saying things like, "don't worry, you don't need to bring a thing" are well and truly gone. In fact I've gone the complete other way. Just on Friday, Ed's godmother announced that she wanted to visit at 11.30am on Saturday. I considered saying no but then we'd have to find another time in the next few weeks and I couldn't really see that happening, so instead I said, "sure that's fine as long as you bring lunch." She was happy to. It was nice. I was grateful and she got to feel like she was helping out (which she was). Win win.

Saturday night was our annual ugly Christmas sweater party. This involves my uni friends and their partners all dressing in ridiculous Christmas jumpers and generally having a good time. It grows each year and this time we had 14 adults and nine adorable children in our little backyard! It might sounds a little bit stressful but when you're good enough friends to dress up in stupid jumpers in the middle of summer, you're also good enough friends to help each other out. Ed and I pretty much only did the meat. Nibblies, salads and desserts were all brought by other people. Even the friends who had an 11 day old baby pitched in. Best of all I don't think I heard my children whinge the whole time people were here! With adults outnumbering the children, there's always someone around to provide the necessary attention. It was great. I can't wait until next year. My only concern is that as all my friends keep having children, the adult child ratio is going to tip the wrong way!

Sunday lunch we had more friends over and again they all brought something plus we unashamedly served up some leftovers from the night before. Very low key, very stress free.

We hadn't committed to carols because we weren't sure how we'd be going after all the entertaining but in the end we decided to go and I'm so glad we did. It was fantastic. Miss 3 was up the front with her friend dancing almost the whole time and despite being well past everyone's bed time all three children were super happy. Another unexpected benefit of the late night was the walk home. It's usually light when the children go to bed so they hadn't seen many of the Christmas lights but we found out last night that our street has really turned it on this year. There was lots of ooing and ahhing all the way home and we were even inspired to jazz ours up a bit next year.
So a busy but great weekend and much to my delight everyone slept in until 7.30 this morning! 

Thursday 10 December 2015

Mental health and special needs

Serious title. Serious topics. I usually like to think I'm a paragon of mental health but I have to admit the last few months have pushed me to the edge. Some days it feels like I listen to whinging and crying from 6am to 7pm. It's never really that bad but sometimes it feels like it is. Fortunately the whinging is only really when we're home so I spend a lot of time out and about. Yesterday was a great day. We caught the train into the city. I didn't have anything particular to do there but we made a morning of it. We basically had a coffee with Ed, listened to the London Court clock turn 10 o'clock, watched the little horses go around, picked up some milk and caught the train home. It doesn't take much to entertain everyone but we do have to be out and about. Being at home is painful.

As it turns out, the medical world is well across the effect whinging children have on their parents. Over the last few months, I have seen the GP, orthopaedic surgeon, ENT specialist, respiratory specialist, special needs toy library staff, paediatric physio. All but one have taken a moment to ask me how I am. The child health nurse took it to the next level and directly asked me if I have days when I want to walk away and check myself into greylands (our local mental health hospital). The answer was no but I have to admit I have considered booking myself a flight to Bali. I'm tired, I'm not mentally ill. Maybe there is a fine line. I don't know.

Maybe I'm going ok because I know it's not forever. I think it would be a very different story if this was a long term situation. The boys are struggling a bit but we're 95 per cent sure that they'll be completely caught up in a year or two. For a long time I could put it down to them being twins or them being a little bit premature or even a bit because boys are often later in their development than girls. I've only got Miss 3 to compare to. Eventually though I had to bite the bullet and get some medical assistance and unfortunately I didn't receive any reassurances but instead a mass of referrals and specialist appointments. I wanted to be told I was being silly and not to worry but sadly my concerns were right and they are quite delayed in their development. 

They're delayed but they are getting there every day. I think Master L might even walk before Christmas. My fear isn't their long term prospects, my fear is that I will go crazy in the next six months listening to their constant whinging. I feel for them too. It must be horribly frustrating not being able to walk or talk. I know all children get frustrated and difficult when they're trying to learn something new. The problem for me is that in my house it's taking a really long time and there are two of them. 

Despite being confident about the future, having the boys referred to as 'special needs' has been pretty confronting. We live next door to a house which is rented by the autism society. Two young men live there with their rotating carers who come for two and a half days each over the course of a week. That is what I think of when I hear the term special needs. They make the same whinging, moaning noises as my babies but they're in their early twenties. Sometimes I see their parents when they visit and I really feel for them. One of the boys is a twin and when the mother saw my twins I could just see a wave of emotion sweep over her. I don't know what age her son was when he went into care and I can only imagine the torture she went through making this decision.

Christmas time can be difficult for many people and there is a lot of talk about mental illness at this time of year. When one of my boys is being difficult for me on Christmas day, I hope I'm going to pick him up, give him a hug and be grateful that he's there with me (I'll also be grateful that there is someone else there to pick up the other one). In the spirit of Christmas, I hope that I will take a moment to think of the lady next door whose son is too big to pick up and who has made the decision to take him home for Christmas even though she knows it's going to be hard work.

So things are a little difficult for me at the moment but I have perspective. This Christmas, let's all spare a thought for the parents of the boys next door and the parents of all the special needs children.

Thursday 22 October 2015

I'm pretty much the bachelorette

If you can't beat them join them. I never watched The Bachelor but I thought I'd give The Bachelorette a go and the similarities to my life are just uncanny.

1. Group dates. This is not quality time. This is the second choice I would rather be with you alone but if the other guys are here I guess I'll make the most of it and I'll will be the most enthusiastic and the most noisy and if I get the opportunity I will certainly touch your boob!

Group date - who can be the most interested?
2. The single date. This is highly sought after gold. It doesn't matter what it is but if it's one on one time, someone is going to be extremely excited. "Hey J, do you want to come food shopping with me?" "Just me, Daddy stay here with the boys?" "Yep".  "Yes, yes, yes! I'm coming." The child has never been happier.
Single date at the zoo - happiness explosion.
3. Constant interruptions. There is no bro code in my house. I haven't finished a deep and meaningful conversation with someone in years. Any moment that looks remotely interesting or enjoyable means that someone else is going to jump in and get involved.
Is he so comfortable that he's fallen asleep in your arms? Don't enjoy the moment, I'm here to interrupt.

4. Constant supply of random gifts. The bachelorette has been given a bunch of tickets with random facts on them, a way too personal poster, a hat, a soccer t-shirt and I expect a lot of other stuff that she doesn't want and will never use. I am regularly gifted shrivelled up flowers that were picked days prior, snot filled tissues, slobbered on toys and random bits of dirt picked up off the floor. I have no photo for this as I do not treasure these things. Nobody does.

5. Unsolicited concerts. One of the guys on The Bachelorette randomly busted out a rap. It was strange and mostly terrible except for the fact that he did it. Another guy decided to impress her with a head stand. This blatant looking for attention is strange from adult men but completely normal in my world.
Miss 3 in spontaneous concert. She's even dressed up.
6. Massive attention. The bachelorette could be doing the most menial task and all eyes would be on her. Same right here. I cannot do a thing without a few extra people getting involved.
Peacefully reading the paper and having a cup of tea.


7. Someone gets banished each day. Nope, can't do this. Some days I would like to but it's just not an option. Is there something about loving more than one person at the same time? I'd be able to tick that box.


Tuesday 20 October 2015

Dunsborough by playgrounds and fish and chips

We have just returned from a week in Dunsborough and I think it was probably the best week we've had since the twins were born. We spent an extremely large amount of time hanging out at playgrounds and ate more fish and chips in a week than the last three years combined. It was great. 

This is what we did. 

Preparation
The planning started quite far in advance. We actually had a bit of a trial run holiday with a trip to Narrogin a few weeks earlier and I already had a pretty comprehensive list of what to take when we go away for a night. As it turns out it's not too much more for a week away. The key difference for this trip was food and linen. I didn't think linen was a big deal until I realised it meant doonas as well. Do you know how much space this takes up? A lot! Maybe if this becomes a regular thing we'll have to invest in sleeping bags. We also took our washing basket and accepted that we'd just have to do washing a few times.

We went to a bit of effort to cook a few things beforehand so we didn't have to go out for too many meals. I think sometimes it's just easier to stay home and of course much cheaper. We made a quiche and a big batch of bolognese which lasted over two nights plus I also made muffins and brought loads of fruit and our usual breakfast things. 

Saturday
The packing was actually reasonably mindless, just following our lists, but there were a few moments where we weren't sure if everything was going to fit. Thankfully my sister just happened to be at our house so she was able to entertain the children while we got everything in. 
We had lunch at home and then got everyone into the car in hopes they would nap most of the way. About 20 minutes in I declared success with both babies asleep. Unfortunately this didn't last long. They each only slept 40 minutes and there was a lot of whinging and crying for the remainder of the journey. Not fun at all.

It was a beautiful day when we arrived. We quickly got the highchairs set-up and gave everyone some food while we unpacked the essential things - fridge stuff, making beds. We went straight out for a walk along the beach to town and it was such a gorgeous day we abandoned the meal plan and decided to have fish and chips by the beach (F&C1). Look at me not sticking to the plan! I can do it! I am flexible. I'm so not. There was a level of anxiety but I knew that the amazing weather may not hold out so we needed to make the most of it.











Sunday
This was expected to be the warmest day so the beach was on the agenda but not before picking up some coffees in town. We found our first playground which we named the roundabout playground (PG1) and the coffee up the road was pretty good so we became regulars over the course of the week. When it warmed up a bit more, we headed to beautiful Meelup Beach. We got ourselves a nice little spot on the grass and Ed headed off towards the water with Miss 3 while I got the twins into their beach gear. 

Once Miss 3 was happy just safely playing in the sand, Ed and I each took a baby for a play in the water. It was cold. This was a stupid idea. They hated it. It took me far longer to get them in and out of their bathers than they spent in the water. Plus they were now covered in sand and generally unhappy. Miss 3 was having a fabulous time though so Ed stayed with her while I dealt with the little ones.

Fortunately at about the point where the entire beach thought I was a negligent mother due to the amount of crying going on (it's hard to comfort and change two wet, sandy babies) our friends arrived from Perth with a picnic lunch. Saved! 

Post naps we headed to Simmos for an icecream and a play. There's a great playground (PG2) there plus emus and camels and you can really make an afternoon of it. For the twins this was a far more successful outing than the beach and they don't even eat ice cream.

Monday
First thing we went for a walk to what we called the boat ramp playground (PG3) and found there was a coffee van there too. Winning. This became our alternate regular morning hang-out.










We headed to Meelup again and met out friends there. This time I didn't bother to even try the boys in the water. We just played on the grassed area while the ''big kids" (3yos) splashed at the beach. There's actually a nice pond there with ducks and we had plenty of fun without the hassle of sand and water. 

Next stop was Eagle Bay Brewery for lunch. Total success. The adults shared a tasting plate and the children shared pizza and fish and chips (F&C2). The food was great, drinks were great, massive sandpit playground (PG4) great. There was even a tractor driving around doing some work and the driver waved to the children which they absolutely loved. The only slight difficulty here was that the sandpit was a little bit away from the tables (which is completely understandable) so one of the adults had to go and watch and leave the others eating and drinking at the table. I didn't volunteer. Thank you others.

That afternoon our friends came over for a barbecue and put their children to sleep at our house so they could stay a while and relax. We were a bit nervous about how they would all sleep with five under four in the same very small house but it actually didn't take them all too long to settle. They borrowed our twin pram to walk home and apparently the children transferred fine back into their own beds later that night. Hoorah! They live just down the road in Perth too so I guess now that we know it works we could even try the same thing at home.

Tuesday
The main event was Country Life Farm. It was pretty fun but for $18 per adult and $16 per child over two I'm pretty sure they are making an absolute mint. We fed rabbits, guinea pigs, alpacas, goats, sheep, a horse and a kangaroo with a joey. There was also a merry-go-round, a bouncy castle and an indoor playground which we didn't actually make it to. Probably the best bit was the rowing boats but I wasn't game to put the twins in. Ed and Miss 3 had a good row around and our friends managed to get the whole family in a boat which was pretty cute to see. There's a load of little playhouses there (I expect all bought on gumtree) and lots of nice grass to have a picnic, which we did. If we didn't have to head home for naps we easily could have spent the whole day there which would have made the cost seem less extortionate. 

Tuesday afternoon we went for a scoot/walk from the town centre through Centennial Park. The pathway follows the coastline so is completely flat and perfect for scooting or bike riding. We reached Centennial Park Playground (PG5) and had another great play. There was some really good climbing elements here which even the crawlers could have a good go on. We considered venturing down to the beach on the way back but with the pram and scooter we would have had to split up so stuck to the path this time.

Wednesday
We spent the morning just mucking around at Dunsborough Beach. It's not a particularly nice beach with piles of seaweed but it's really flat which suits Miss 3 and the boys obviously don't care. This time I didn't bother to try them in the water. They just played in the sand and occasionally ventured towards the water but as soon as they felt the cold they were pretty keen to head back to dry land. It was actually a really beautiful, relaxing morning and it was free.

We met our friends for a picnic lunch at the beach in Yallingup where there is yet another great playground (PG6). They had been to the caves that morning which apparently was great but I'm confident we made the right decision not to go as sounds as though it required a one to one adult child ratio. Maybe we'll get there in a few years time. After lunch we ventured down to the beach and wondered around splashing a little bit in the tide. All children confirmed that they didn't really like waves though.

Wednesday night we went to the Dunsborough Hotel for dinner and guess what? There is an indoor playground (PG7) and the children had fish and chips (F&C3).

Thursday
The weather wasn't so great and we were a bit panicked about what to do. We made it to the boat ramp playground first thing but when it actually started to rain we decided to follow the advice of a local and headed to Goanna Gallery for morning tea. There was a nice play space for the children and fortunately the sun came back. We all had some pancakes and then had to say goodbye to our friends who were heading back to Perth.

Thankfully just that afternoon my parents and sister arrived so we weren't fending for ourselves for too long. Now with a much improved adult child ratio the holiday really began. We went for another play at the beach and walking through the golf course on the way back there were loads of ridiculously tame kangaroos. 











Friday
Another lovely morning just playing at Dunsborough beach and then when the children were napping, Ed, my sister and I headed out for a bit of wine tasting at Happs and lunch at Swooping Magpie. Winning!

That afternoon we headed down to the beach again and my Dad did a bit of fishing off the jetty. He was actually pretty successful for the hour we were there. 

We went to Clancy's Fish Pub (F&C4) for dinner which is a beautiful setting with a nice play space for little ones as well as a big grassed area but there is an open dam too so you would need to be very careful if you had runners. 

Saturday 
This was basically pack up and go day. It was great that Mum and Dad were there to help with the children while we packed. We'd originally thought that there would be more space on the way home with less food and fewer nappies but we apparently made up for this with purchases of wine!

We decided to break up the drive by stopping at the foreshore in Busselton for lunch and of course there was a playground (PG8). Unfortunately stopping didn't really make a great deal of difference. The boys only slept for 40 minutes and this time not even at the same time so again it was a pretty painful journey. We got home to a house with no food in it so ended up getting takeaway for dinner and sitting in a park to eat it. More chips and another playground. Felt like we were still on holiday.

Sunday was all about the washing but it's all done now, the hideous drive has mostly been forgotten and we're back to eating vegetables. All in all it was a total success. Yay for us!

Thursday 8 October 2015

Professional development Part 1 - Positive parenting program

Now that I've committed to being a stay at home mum, I thought I'd give myself some professional development. I've completed two courses. The first was the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). It's apparently one of the few parenting programs in the world with evidence to show it works.

I by no means think that you can read a book and solve your parenting problems but when it comes to managing behaviour, I'll take any advice I can get. Thankfully the boys aren't yet at an age where I have to deal with behaviour. Miss 3 certainly knows how to push the boundaries and I'm just fumbling through, learning as we go. Dealing with behaviour issues is by far the most difficult thing I've experienced in my 3.5 year parenting career. When I had one little baby, I had no idea how much more challenging one three year old would be. Throw in a couple of extra babies and I'm in struggle town. I can't even think about teenage years. That's a job for future Julia. Let's hope she's amazing.

Normally at 7.15pm I prefer to collapse in front of the tv but for three Wednesdays in a row I gathered my strength to log on to a webinar. I'm glad I did. At first I was a bit skeptical, thinking that it might be a bit too general and vague but it was designed so that you ended up with a toolkit of ideas that you might like to try. 

I'll share with you some of my takeaways.

1. Some misbehaviour is normal. Obviously I know this right now as I calmly type away and my children are asleep but I definitely am prone to forgetting this when I'm tired, the twins are whinging and Miss 3 decides to behave like a monster. It was reassuring to hear it stated by a professional. Some misbehaviour is normal. Got it.

2. Time out, quiet corner, whatever you want to call it. I had never been able to make this work. Many of my friends swear by it but each time I had tried in the past it has just ended in tears and general confusion by both myself and Miss 3. Am I cross with her because she squashed her brother or because she didn't listen when I told her not to or because I have no idea how to deal with her when she misbehaves? All of the above.

What I learnt from Triple P is to try to explain to her what's going to happen if she misbehaves prior to the misbehaviour occurring. Not in the heat of the moment. So this is exactly what I did. We even had a trial run which she strangely seemed to quite enjoy. She now knows that if she doesn't stop when I say stop she has to have a break and sit somewhere nearby me. If she refuses or continues to do the same thing then she has to go and sit by our front door by herself until I say so, which is usually less than a minute but depends on how long it takes her (or me) to calm down.

Having a system that we both understand has worked really well.

3. Children like rules. It had never occurred to me to actually tell Miss 3 that something was a rule but now I know that she really likes rules and really likes telling her brothers what the rules are. I even wrote down our dinner table rules to make them seem more official, even though no one can read them. Now rather than telling her off for not eating properly, I say something like, "what's our rule about eating the food on our plates" and she says "we try all the different food on our plate." It's win win because she gets to think she's really clever for knowing the rule and I get to think I'm really clever for getting her to try all the food on her plate.

4. Only give instructions once or twice. We are yet to nail this but I really want it to work so I'm trying hard. I used to do things like ask her to put her shoes away and then I'd go and do something else and get frustrated when I came back and the shoes were still out, ask again and again and eventually lose my temper or just put them away myself. Now I'm trying a new approach where if I think she's likely to be uncooperative I ask once, stay with her, then calmly ask again and if she still doesn't do it I say there will be some kind of consequence. The problem with this is if I have to stay and watch her I feel as though I may as well just do the task myself. It's taking a lot of patience on my behalf to persevere with this strategy but if it makes for greater cooperation in the future, I'm prepared to keep trying.

There were plenty of other things I learned and lots of reinforcement that you don't have to be perfect. It was really nice to hear that everyone finds managing behaviour difficult. I do genuinely fear for how I'm going to cope when the twins start pushing my buttons. Maybe by then I'll have miraculously develop some kind of saintly patience or at least I'll have a few strategies in place.


I was fortunate to be offered this course through the multiple births association but I just googled and there are heaps of different ways of accessing Triple P courses in all different formats and levels. I would recommend it if you get the chance.

Wednesday 30 September 2015

Narrogin

I'm mostly of the opinion that travelling with small children is like travelling for work. You have to do all the same things, you don't sleep well and you don't have the familiarity of your own equipment. Plus you come home to a heap more work to catch up on (ie washing).

When you look up Narrogin on trip advisor there are only three attractions and one of them is a gun shop. It may not be your typical holiday destination and travelling with children is hard work but my sister is living there at the moment so we decided to give it a go.

I'm pleased to report it was a total success and it genuinely felt like a holiday. I think the primary reason for this is that my sister was with us the whole time so our adult to child ratio was much improved. Also, I was super organised. We knew what we were going to eat for each meal and we knew how we were going to spend our time. There was no need for decision making.

We drove Friday afternoon when the boys were meant to be napping. This was actually a complete fail as they'd been asleep for about 15 minutes when we went up a steep hill and I think their ears must have been hurting as they woke up screaming and didn't fall back asleep again. Not a great start but with the extra adult around tired babies aren't too difficult to manage. We just went for a walk, out for a pub meal, then headed back to our house at half time in the footy to get the children into bed. Three adults, three children, bed time is a breeze.

Saturday we went for another walk around town, stopped at supposedly the best cafe for a coffee (it actually wasn't too bad) and went to an amazing playground. It was genuinely really great and the public toilets were some of the cleanest I've seen. Thanks Royalties for Regions! I was impressed.

We went on a picnic lunch to Yilliminning Rock which is basically a massive rock that you can climb up. Miss 3 thought it was pretty cool. She made little rock castles on top of the big rock and looked at bugs, lizards and flowers. The boys crawled around happily with apparently no concern for their knees which I must admit are looking a little worse for wear.


Saturday night was probably the highlight. We went on a nocturnal walk at Barna Mia which is an animal sanctuary. It's not actually recommended for children under five but I told them our ages when I booked and they didn't discourage me. We weren't too disruptive, although while Miss 3 understood that she had to whisper she didn't quite grasp that moving her feet around on the gravel was also a bit noisy. The boys were in baby carriers so when each got excited we just moved a bit away from the group. It was really fun. We saw bilbies, woylies, boodies and rufous-hare wallabies. I have to admit they do all kind of look the same except for the bilbies with their big ears but it was exciting to just sit quietly and see them sneak up and eat the food laid out for them. All three children fell asleep in the car and didn't transfer at all well but again with three adults and three children, it wasn't too big of a deal getting them into bed.

Sunday morning we went on a bush walk at a nature reserve called Foxes Lair. We climbed up rocks, balanced on logs, looked at the wildflowers and just generally enjoyed a bit of quality nature play. 


We stopped for lunch on the way home at the Quindanning Hotel which is really nice with a great outdoor area where everyone had a good play. Unfortunately the twins fell asleep for five minutes on the way to lunch and then decided they didn't need to sleep at all on the way home which was a bit painful but we managed and all in all it was a great weekend. Go Narrogin.

Wednesday 23 September 2015

I'm a stay at home mum and that's ok, for now

After months of agonising about whether or not to return to work, it didn't end up being my decision. I'd extended my maternity leave from 12 to 18 months but then was retrenched before the 18 month mark came up. It wasn't my choice but at the end of the day I think it was my preference.

I was a staunch advocate for women in the workplace. My job actually included promoting the successes of working women and facilitating support of women at work. I argued for flexible working hours, I campaigned for part-time, job share, working from home. All these things. I'm very keen on women working and parenting concurrently. I want it to work.

For me personally, I didn't have good feelings about returning to work after the twins because my previous attempt at working part-time wasn't particularly successful. I certainly wasn't looking forward to it but I don't think I would have been able to say no when the time came. I might have extended another six months but eventually I would have taken up the role that was waiting for me. I'm now glad I didn't because at this point in time I actually think me being home is the best thing for my family. I guess I should say thank you to whoever it was that made my position redundant. I'm pretty sure you've made a better decision for me than I could have made for myself.

Not entirely able to let go, I attended a meeting with the redeployment agency I was signed up to. Apparently getting a new job when I'm ready will be all about building and maintaining my network. The consultant suggested that I craft some words about what I do and what I want so that when I'm at parties I can easily put myself out there. Parties? What parties? Does he mean toddler parties? If I actually finish a sentence about the weather at a party I feel like I've successfully networked. If I get the opportunity to talk to someone coherently for more than a few minutes it's probably going to be one of my best friends. To be honest, I wasn't into networking when I had a full-time job and I really can't see it becoming something I'm interested in any time soon. Thankfully we have online social networking these days so I've signed up to Linked In. Consider me networked.

I have to admit while happy not working right now, I'm nervous about not working in the future. My four year Council term has come to an end and I won't be running again. I plan to volunteer at a few places so I'll have things to think about but this is the first time in over twenty years that I will have no income at all. A few people have asked me when I'll go back to work. I have no idea but I saw a job advertised last week that could have been perfect for me and I made a decision not to apply. Sometimes I feel like a traitor to feminism but I simply don't want paid work right now. 

There was some media buzz a few weeks ago about the CEO of Yahoo announcing that she's planning to take just two weeks maternity leave when her twins are born. I feel for the lady. No matter what she does she's going to be scrutinised for her decision. A lot of the criticism seems to be around the fact that she's setting unrealistic expectations for women who she is a role model for. For me though, our lives are so completely different that she's not a role model at all. In fact, our lives are so completely different that she may as well be some kind of alien creature. Apart from anything else, she earns over 40 million dollars a year. If I earned that much money I would work for a year (maybe six months) and then retire. Clearly we are very different with very different lives. She's not making the decision I would make but I have absolutely no idea what her life is like and I certainly don't feel any pressure to behave like her.

I relate more to whoever it was that coined the phrase, "You can have it all, but not all at the same time." Being a parent is taking up a lot of energy at the moment. Maybe things will change tomorrow, maybe in a year, maybe a few more years. If an amazing job fell in my lap today of course I would consider it, but I think it will be a while before I actively start seeking paid work. 

I'm not even sure what I want to do when I return to work. There's a strong likelihood I'll go back to what I was doing before but maybe I won't. Who knows? If nothing else, parenting causes you to be extremely self-reflective. Maybe I'll develop a passion for something new and start in a whole different direction. I definitely like to think the best years of my career are still ahead of me. Maybe I'll even be a late bloomer, Hillary Clinton style! 

Tuesday 15 September 2015

Who would be a politician?

As I listened to Malcolm Turnbull's speech last night, I had to feel a bit sorry for Tony. I'm certainly not sad that he's gone but I do think it's quite horrible just how quick we all are to criticise our politicians. It's a hard job!

My short foray into local politics has cemented for me, that I certainly have no desire to move into federal or state level politics. Yes, you will have some achievements but you will also make some difficult decisions and you simply cannot please everyone. I have spent hours agonising over decisions. I have had sleepless nights worrying about things which I don't know the answer to and I know there is probably no 100 percent correct answer but of course I want to get it right. This is at a local level! I can only assume the professional politicians have similar experiences with a far more visible and further reaching scope.

My four year Council term ends in a few weeks and I'm not at all sad about this. I've stated the reason I'm not running again is because it's hard work with young children. This is true but I have to admit if I was really enjoying it I would find a way to make it work. I have enjoyed parts of my experience but a lot of the time I've felt like the public criticism just isn't worth it. Nobody ever calls to thank me for a decision I've made but there are plenty of people who are quick to criticise when I've made the "wrong" decision and I get really upset about it. I'm not cut out to cope with the criticism.

It's disappointing that I've struggled to make it work. When I had one child it was actually almost the perfect part-time job. The evening meetings worked fine with my husband just making sure he was home in time for me to get out. I would regularly attend events and meet with residents during the day and just take my one baby with me. It was in fact far easier than when I was working full-time because I was available during the day. Things have changed quite significantly though with two babies and a toddler and I simply don't get to as many things as I would like to.

When a journalist called and asked if I was running for local government again, I mentioned briefly that the 6pm meeting times are particularly difficult. This is simply because putting our three children to bed really is a big job and much easier with two adults. Unfortunately the journalist decided to make a big deal of this and it ended up on the front page of our local paper. I had thought the article was quite fine. However, when I read the letters to the editor in the following week's paper I found that as a result of this article someone had decided to personally attack me, suggesting that I was some kind of man-hater who thinks all men are incompetent. This is so completely off base it's somewhat ridiculous. I've actually blogged previously about what a great father my husband is. Clearly the letter writer knows nothing about me. I have no idea who he is except that he doesn't even live in the City of Vincent and he thinks it's ok to publicly write a very personal attack on me. To make matters worse, it's not even about a decision I've made at Council. It's simply a personal attack.

The point is that people are horrible to politicians. It's a hard job. Some are far better at it than others but I really don't think anyone deserves to be personally attacked. I like to think that the majority of politicians start out because like me they want to do something positive for the community or the state or the country. I know some lose their pathway but I think we should all try to remember that politicians are real people with feelings who are most likely just trying really hard to do what they believe to be the right thing.