Thursday 22 October 2015

I'm pretty much the bachelorette

If you can't beat them join them. I never watched The Bachelor but I thought I'd give The Bachelorette a go and the similarities to my life are just uncanny.

1. Group dates. This is not quality time. This is the second choice I would rather be with you alone but if the other guys are here I guess I'll make the most of it and I'll will be the most enthusiastic and the most noisy and if I get the opportunity I will certainly touch your boob!

Group date - who can be the most interested?
2. The single date. This is highly sought after gold. It doesn't matter what it is but if it's one on one time, someone is going to be extremely excited. "Hey J, do you want to come food shopping with me?" "Just me, Daddy stay here with the boys?" "Yep".  "Yes, yes, yes! I'm coming." The child has never been happier.
Single date at the zoo - happiness explosion.
3. Constant interruptions. There is no bro code in my house. I haven't finished a deep and meaningful conversation with someone in years. Any moment that looks remotely interesting or enjoyable means that someone else is going to jump in and get involved.
Is he so comfortable that he's fallen asleep in your arms? Don't enjoy the moment, I'm here to interrupt.

4. Constant supply of random gifts. The bachelorette has been given a bunch of tickets with random facts on them, a way too personal poster, a hat, a soccer t-shirt and I expect a lot of other stuff that she doesn't want and will never use. I am regularly gifted shrivelled up flowers that were picked days prior, snot filled tissues, slobbered on toys and random bits of dirt picked up off the floor. I have no photo for this as I do not treasure these things. Nobody does.

5. Unsolicited concerts. One of the guys on The Bachelorette randomly busted out a rap. It was strange and mostly terrible except for the fact that he did it. Another guy decided to impress her with a head stand. This blatant looking for attention is strange from adult men but completely normal in my world.
Miss 3 in spontaneous concert. She's even dressed up.
6. Massive attention. The bachelorette could be doing the most menial task and all eyes would be on her. Same right here. I cannot do a thing without a few extra people getting involved.
Peacefully reading the paper and having a cup of tea.


7. Someone gets banished each day. Nope, can't do this. Some days I would like to but it's just not an option. Is there something about loving more than one person at the same time? I'd be able to tick that box.


Tuesday 20 October 2015

Dunsborough by playgrounds and fish and chips

We have just returned from a week in Dunsborough and I think it was probably the best week we've had since the twins were born. We spent an extremely large amount of time hanging out at playgrounds and ate more fish and chips in a week than the last three years combined. It was great. 

This is what we did. 

Preparation
The planning started quite far in advance. We actually had a bit of a trial run holiday with a trip to Narrogin a few weeks earlier and I already had a pretty comprehensive list of what to take when we go away for a night. As it turns out it's not too much more for a week away. The key difference for this trip was food and linen. I didn't think linen was a big deal until I realised it meant doonas as well. Do you know how much space this takes up? A lot! Maybe if this becomes a regular thing we'll have to invest in sleeping bags. We also took our washing basket and accepted that we'd just have to do washing a few times.

We went to a bit of effort to cook a few things beforehand so we didn't have to go out for too many meals. I think sometimes it's just easier to stay home and of course much cheaper. We made a quiche and a big batch of bolognese which lasted over two nights plus I also made muffins and brought loads of fruit and our usual breakfast things. 

Saturday
The packing was actually reasonably mindless, just following our lists, but there were a few moments where we weren't sure if everything was going to fit. Thankfully my sister just happened to be at our house so she was able to entertain the children while we got everything in. 
We had lunch at home and then got everyone into the car in hopes they would nap most of the way. About 20 minutes in I declared success with both babies asleep. Unfortunately this didn't last long. They each only slept 40 minutes and there was a lot of whinging and crying for the remainder of the journey. Not fun at all.

It was a beautiful day when we arrived. We quickly got the highchairs set-up and gave everyone some food while we unpacked the essential things - fridge stuff, making beds. We went straight out for a walk along the beach to town and it was such a gorgeous day we abandoned the meal plan and decided to have fish and chips by the beach (F&C1). Look at me not sticking to the plan! I can do it! I am flexible. I'm so not. There was a level of anxiety but I knew that the amazing weather may not hold out so we needed to make the most of it.











Sunday
This was expected to be the warmest day so the beach was on the agenda but not before picking up some coffees in town. We found our first playground which we named the roundabout playground (PG1) and the coffee up the road was pretty good so we became regulars over the course of the week. When it warmed up a bit more, we headed to beautiful Meelup Beach. We got ourselves a nice little spot on the grass and Ed headed off towards the water with Miss 3 while I got the twins into their beach gear. 

Once Miss 3 was happy just safely playing in the sand, Ed and I each took a baby for a play in the water. It was cold. This was a stupid idea. They hated it. It took me far longer to get them in and out of their bathers than they spent in the water. Plus they were now covered in sand and generally unhappy. Miss 3 was having a fabulous time though so Ed stayed with her while I dealt with the little ones.

Fortunately at about the point where the entire beach thought I was a negligent mother due to the amount of crying going on (it's hard to comfort and change two wet, sandy babies) our friends arrived from Perth with a picnic lunch. Saved! 

Post naps we headed to Simmos for an icecream and a play. There's a great playground (PG2) there plus emus and camels and you can really make an afternoon of it. For the twins this was a far more successful outing than the beach and they don't even eat ice cream.

Monday
First thing we went for a walk to what we called the boat ramp playground (PG3) and found there was a coffee van there too. Winning. This became our alternate regular morning hang-out.










We headed to Meelup again and met out friends there. This time I didn't bother to even try the boys in the water. We just played on the grassed area while the ''big kids" (3yos) splashed at the beach. There's actually a nice pond there with ducks and we had plenty of fun without the hassle of sand and water. 

Next stop was Eagle Bay Brewery for lunch. Total success. The adults shared a tasting plate and the children shared pizza and fish and chips (F&C2). The food was great, drinks were great, massive sandpit playground (PG4) great. There was even a tractor driving around doing some work and the driver waved to the children which they absolutely loved. The only slight difficulty here was that the sandpit was a little bit away from the tables (which is completely understandable) so one of the adults had to go and watch and leave the others eating and drinking at the table. I didn't volunteer. Thank you others.

That afternoon our friends came over for a barbecue and put their children to sleep at our house so they could stay a while and relax. We were a bit nervous about how they would all sleep with five under four in the same very small house but it actually didn't take them all too long to settle. They borrowed our twin pram to walk home and apparently the children transferred fine back into their own beds later that night. Hoorah! They live just down the road in Perth too so I guess now that we know it works we could even try the same thing at home.

Tuesday
The main event was Country Life Farm. It was pretty fun but for $18 per adult and $16 per child over two I'm pretty sure they are making an absolute mint. We fed rabbits, guinea pigs, alpacas, goats, sheep, a horse and a kangaroo with a joey. There was also a merry-go-round, a bouncy castle and an indoor playground which we didn't actually make it to. Probably the best bit was the rowing boats but I wasn't game to put the twins in. Ed and Miss 3 had a good row around and our friends managed to get the whole family in a boat which was pretty cute to see. There's a load of little playhouses there (I expect all bought on gumtree) and lots of nice grass to have a picnic, which we did. If we didn't have to head home for naps we easily could have spent the whole day there which would have made the cost seem less extortionate. 

Tuesday afternoon we went for a scoot/walk from the town centre through Centennial Park. The pathway follows the coastline so is completely flat and perfect for scooting or bike riding. We reached Centennial Park Playground (PG5) and had another great play. There was some really good climbing elements here which even the crawlers could have a good go on. We considered venturing down to the beach on the way back but with the pram and scooter we would have had to split up so stuck to the path this time.

Wednesday
We spent the morning just mucking around at Dunsborough Beach. It's not a particularly nice beach with piles of seaweed but it's really flat which suits Miss 3 and the boys obviously don't care. This time I didn't bother to try them in the water. They just played in the sand and occasionally ventured towards the water but as soon as they felt the cold they were pretty keen to head back to dry land. It was actually a really beautiful, relaxing morning and it was free.

We met our friends for a picnic lunch at the beach in Yallingup where there is yet another great playground (PG6). They had been to the caves that morning which apparently was great but I'm confident we made the right decision not to go as sounds as though it required a one to one adult child ratio. Maybe we'll get there in a few years time. After lunch we ventured down to the beach and wondered around splashing a little bit in the tide. All children confirmed that they didn't really like waves though.

Wednesday night we went to the Dunsborough Hotel for dinner and guess what? There is an indoor playground (PG7) and the children had fish and chips (F&C3).

Thursday
The weather wasn't so great and we were a bit panicked about what to do. We made it to the boat ramp playground first thing but when it actually started to rain we decided to follow the advice of a local and headed to Goanna Gallery for morning tea. There was a nice play space for the children and fortunately the sun came back. We all had some pancakes and then had to say goodbye to our friends who were heading back to Perth.

Thankfully just that afternoon my parents and sister arrived so we weren't fending for ourselves for too long. Now with a much improved adult child ratio the holiday really began. We went for another play at the beach and walking through the golf course on the way back there were loads of ridiculously tame kangaroos. 











Friday
Another lovely morning just playing at Dunsborough beach and then when the children were napping, Ed, my sister and I headed out for a bit of wine tasting at Happs and lunch at Swooping Magpie. Winning!

That afternoon we headed down to the beach again and my Dad did a bit of fishing off the jetty. He was actually pretty successful for the hour we were there. 

We went to Clancy's Fish Pub (F&C4) for dinner which is a beautiful setting with a nice play space for little ones as well as a big grassed area but there is an open dam too so you would need to be very careful if you had runners. 

Saturday 
This was basically pack up and go day. It was great that Mum and Dad were there to help with the children while we packed. We'd originally thought that there would be more space on the way home with less food and fewer nappies but we apparently made up for this with purchases of wine!

We decided to break up the drive by stopping at the foreshore in Busselton for lunch and of course there was a playground (PG8). Unfortunately stopping didn't really make a great deal of difference. The boys only slept for 40 minutes and this time not even at the same time so again it was a pretty painful journey. We got home to a house with no food in it so ended up getting takeaway for dinner and sitting in a park to eat it. More chips and another playground. Felt like we were still on holiday.

Sunday was all about the washing but it's all done now, the hideous drive has mostly been forgotten and we're back to eating vegetables. All in all it was a total success. Yay for us!

Thursday 8 October 2015

Professional development Part 1 - Positive parenting program

Now that I've committed to being a stay at home mum, I thought I'd give myself some professional development. I've completed two courses. The first was the Positive Parenting Program (Triple P). It's apparently one of the few parenting programs in the world with evidence to show it works.

I by no means think that you can read a book and solve your parenting problems but when it comes to managing behaviour, I'll take any advice I can get. Thankfully the boys aren't yet at an age where I have to deal with behaviour. Miss 3 certainly knows how to push the boundaries and I'm just fumbling through, learning as we go. Dealing with behaviour issues is by far the most difficult thing I've experienced in my 3.5 year parenting career. When I had one little baby, I had no idea how much more challenging one three year old would be. Throw in a couple of extra babies and I'm in struggle town. I can't even think about teenage years. That's a job for future Julia. Let's hope she's amazing.

Normally at 7.15pm I prefer to collapse in front of the tv but for three Wednesdays in a row I gathered my strength to log on to a webinar. I'm glad I did. At first I was a bit skeptical, thinking that it might be a bit too general and vague but it was designed so that you ended up with a toolkit of ideas that you might like to try. 

I'll share with you some of my takeaways.

1. Some misbehaviour is normal. Obviously I know this right now as I calmly type away and my children are asleep but I definitely am prone to forgetting this when I'm tired, the twins are whinging and Miss 3 decides to behave like a monster. It was reassuring to hear it stated by a professional. Some misbehaviour is normal. Got it.

2. Time out, quiet corner, whatever you want to call it. I had never been able to make this work. Many of my friends swear by it but each time I had tried in the past it has just ended in tears and general confusion by both myself and Miss 3. Am I cross with her because she squashed her brother or because she didn't listen when I told her not to or because I have no idea how to deal with her when she misbehaves? All of the above.

What I learnt from Triple P is to try to explain to her what's going to happen if she misbehaves prior to the misbehaviour occurring. Not in the heat of the moment. So this is exactly what I did. We even had a trial run which she strangely seemed to quite enjoy. She now knows that if she doesn't stop when I say stop she has to have a break and sit somewhere nearby me. If she refuses or continues to do the same thing then she has to go and sit by our front door by herself until I say so, which is usually less than a minute but depends on how long it takes her (or me) to calm down.

Having a system that we both understand has worked really well.

3. Children like rules. It had never occurred to me to actually tell Miss 3 that something was a rule but now I know that she really likes rules and really likes telling her brothers what the rules are. I even wrote down our dinner table rules to make them seem more official, even though no one can read them. Now rather than telling her off for not eating properly, I say something like, "what's our rule about eating the food on our plates" and she says "we try all the different food on our plate." It's win win because she gets to think she's really clever for knowing the rule and I get to think I'm really clever for getting her to try all the food on her plate.

4. Only give instructions once or twice. We are yet to nail this but I really want it to work so I'm trying hard. I used to do things like ask her to put her shoes away and then I'd go and do something else and get frustrated when I came back and the shoes were still out, ask again and again and eventually lose my temper or just put them away myself. Now I'm trying a new approach where if I think she's likely to be uncooperative I ask once, stay with her, then calmly ask again and if she still doesn't do it I say there will be some kind of consequence. The problem with this is if I have to stay and watch her I feel as though I may as well just do the task myself. It's taking a lot of patience on my behalf to persevere with this strategy but if it makes for greater cooperation in the future, I'm prepared to keep trying.

There were plenty of other things I learned and lots of reinforcement that you don't have to be perfect. It was really nice to hear that everyone finds managing behaviour difficult. I do genuinely fear for how I'm going to cope when the twins start pushing my buttons. Maybe by then I'll have miraculously develop some kind of saintly patience or at least I'll have a few strategies in place.


I was fortunate to be offered this course through the multiple births association but I just googled and there are heaps of different ways of accessing Triple P courses in all different formats and levels. I would recommend it if you get the chance.