Wednesday 30 September 2015

Narrogin

I'm mostly of the opinion that travelling with small children is like travelling for work. You have to do all the same things, you don't sleep well and you don't have the familiarity of your own equipment. Plus you come home to a heap more work to catch up on (ie washing).

When you look up Narrogin on trip advisor there are only three attractions and one of them is a gun shop. It may not be your typical holiday destination and travelling with children is hard work but my sister is living there at the moment so we decided to give it a go.

I'm pleased to report it was a total success and it genuinely felt like a holiday. I think the primary reason for this is that my sister was with us the whole time so our adult to child ratio was much improved. Also, I was super organised. We knew what we were going to eat for each meal and we knew how we were going to spend our time. There was no need for decision making.

We drove Friday afternoon when the boys were meant to be napping. This was actually a complete fail as they'd been asleep for about 15 minutes when we went up a steep hill and I think their ears must have been hurting as they woke up screaming and didn't fall back asleep again. Not a great start but with the extra adult around tired babies aren't too difficult to manage. We just went for a walk, out for a pub meal, then headed back to our house at half time in the footy to get the children into bed. Three adults, three children, bed time is a breeze.

Saturday we went for another walk around town, stopped at supposedly the best cafe for a coffee (it actually wasn't too bad) and went to an amazing playground. It was genuinely really great and the public toilets were some of the cleanest I've seen. Thanks Royalties for Regions! I was impressed.

We went on a picnic lunch to Yilliminning Rock which is basically a massive rock that you can climb up. Miss 3 thought it was pretty cool. She made little rock castles on top of the big rock and looked at bugs, lizards and flowers. The boys crawled around happily with apparently no concern for their knees which I must admit are looking a little worse for wear.


Saturday night was probably the highlight. We went on a nocturnal walk at Barna Mia which is an animal sanctuary. It's not actually recommended for children under five but I told them our ages when I booked and they didn't discourage me. We weren't too disruptive, although while Miss 3 understood that she had to whisper she didn't quite grasp that moving her feet around on the gravel was also a bit noisy. The boys were in baby carriers so when each got excited we just moved a bit away from the group. It was really fun. We saw bilbies, woylies, boodies and rufous-hare wallabies. I have to admit they do all kind of look the same except for the bilbies with their big ears but it was exciting to just sit quietly and see them sneak up and eat the food laid out for them. All three children fell asleep in the car and didn't transfer at all well but again with three adults and three children, it wasn't too big of a deal getting them into bed.

Sunday morning we went on a bush walk at a nature reserve called Foxes Lair. We climbed up rocks, balanced on logs, looked at the wildflowers and just generally enjoyed a bit of quality nature play. 


We stopped for lunch on the way home at the Quindanning Hotel which is really nice with a great outdoor area where everyone had a good play. Unfortunately the twins fell asleep for five minutes on the way to lunch and then decided they didn't need to sleep at all on the way home which was a bit painful but we managed and all in all it was a great weekend. Go Narrogin.

Wednesday 23 September 2015

I'm a stay at home mum and that's ok, for now

After months of agonising about whether or not to return to work, it didn't end up being my decision. I'd extended my maternity leave from 12 to 18 months but then was retrenched before the 18 month mark came up. It wasn't my choice but at the end of the day I think it was my preference.

I was a staunch advocate for women in the workplace. My job actually included promoting the successes of working women and facilitating support of women at work. I argued for flexible working hours, I campaigned for part-time, job share, working from home. All these things. I'm very keen on women working and parenting concurrently. I want it to work.

For me personally, I didn't have good feelings about returning to work after the twins because my previous attempt at working part-time wasn't particularly successful. I certainly wasn't looking forward to it but I don't think I would have been able to say no when the time came. I might have extended another six months but eventually I would have taken up the role that was waiting for me. I'm now glad I didn't because at this point in time I actually think me being home is the best thing for my family. I guess I should say thank you to whoever it was that made my position redundant. I'm pretty sure you've made a better decision for me than I could have made for myself.

Not entirely able to let go, I attended a meeting with the redeployment agency I was signed up to. Apparently getting a new job when I'm ready will be all about building and maintaining my network. The consultant suggested that I craft some words about what I do and what I want so that when I'm at parties I can easily put myself out there. Parties? What parties? Does he mean toddler parties? If I actually finish a sentence about the weather at a party I feel like I've successfully networked. If I get the opportunity to talk to someone coherently for more than a few minutes it's probably going to be one of my best friends. To be honest, I wasn't into networking when I had a full-time job and I really can't see it becoming something I'm interested in any time soon. Thankfully we have online social networking these days so I've signed up to Linked In. Consider me networked.

I have to admit while happy not working right now, I'm nervous about not working in the future. My four year Council term has come to an end and I won't be running again. I plan to volunteer at a few places so I'll have things to think about but this is the first time in over twenty years that I will have no income at all. A few people have asked me when I'll go back to work. I have no idea but I saw a job advertised last week that could have been perfect for me and I made a decision not to apply. Sometimes I feel like a traitor to feminism but I simply don't want paid work right now. 

There was some media buzz a few weeks ago about the CEO of Yahoo announcing that she's planning to take just two weeks maternity leave when her twins are born. I feel for the lady. No matter what she does she's going to be scrutinised for her decision. A lot of the criticism seems to be around the fact that she's setting unrealistic expectations for women who she is a role model for. For me though, our lives are so completely different that she's not a role model at all. In fact, our lives are so completely different that she may as well be some kind of alien creature. Apart from anything else, she earns over 40 million dollars a year. If I earned that much money I would work for a year (maybe six months) and then retire. Clearly we are very different with very different lives. She's not making the decision I would make but I have absolutely no idea what her life is like and I certainly don't feel any pressure to behave like her.

I relate more to whoever it was that coined the phrase, "You can have it all, but not all at the same time." Being a parent is taking up a lot of energy at the moment. Maybe things will change tomorrow, maybe in a year, maybe a few more years. If an amazing job fell in my lap today of course I would consider it, but I think it will be a while before I actively start seeking paid work. 

I'm not even sure what I want to do when I return to work. There's a strong likelihood I'll go back to what I was doing before but maybe I won't. Who knows? If nothing else, parenting causes you to be extremely self-reflective. Maybe I'll develop a passion for something new and start in a whole different direction. I definitely like to think the best years of my career are still ahead of me. Maybe I'll even be a late bloomer, Hillary Clinton style! 

Tuesday 15 September 2015

Who would be a politician?

As I listened to Malcolm Turnbull's speech last night, I had to feel a bit sorry for Tony. I'm certainly not sad that he's gone but I do think it's quite horrible just how quick we all are to criticise our politicians. It's a hard job!

My short foray into local politics has cemented for me, that I certainly have no desire to move into federal or state level politics. Yes, you will have some achievements but you will also make some difficult decisions and you simply cannot please everyone. I have spent hours agonising over decisions. I have had sleepless nights worrying about things which I don't know the answer to and I know there is probably no 100 percent correct answer but of course I want to get it right. This is at a local level! I can only assume the professional politicians have similar experiences with a far more visible and further reaching scope.

My four year Council term ends in a few weeks and I'm not at all sad about this. I've stated the reason I'm not running again is because it's hard work with young children. This is true but I have to admit if I was really enjoying it I would find a way to make it work. I have enjoyed parts of my experience but a lot of the time I've felt like the public criticism just isn't worth it. Nobody ever calls to thank me for a decision I've made but there are plenty of people who are quick to criticise when I've made the "wrong" decision and I get really upset about it. I'm not cut out to cope with the criticism.

It's disappointing that I've struggled to make it work. When I had one child it was actually almost the perfect part-time job. The evening meetings worked fine with my husband just making sure he was home in time for me to get out. I would regularly attend events and meet with residents during the day and just take my one baby with me. It was in fact far easier than when I was working full-time because I was available during the day. Things have changed quite significantly though with two babies and a toddler and I simply don't get to as many things as I would like to.

When a journalist called and asked if I was running for local government again, I mentioned briefly that the 6pm meeting times are particularly difficult. This is simply because putting our three children to bed really is a big job and much easier with two adults. Unfortunately the journalist decided to make a big deal of this and it ended up on the front page of our local paper. I had thought the article was quite fine. However, when I read the letters to the editor in the following week's paper I found that as a result of this article someone had decided to personally attack me, suggesting that I was some kind of man-hater who thinks all men are incompetent. This is so completely off base it's somewhat ridiculous. I've actually blogged previously about what a great father my husband is. Clearly the letter writer knows nothing about me. I have no idea who he is except that he doesn't even live in the City of Vincent and he thinks it's ok to publicly write a very personal attack on me. To make matters worse, it's not even about a decision I've made at Council. It's simply a personal attack.

The point is that people are horrible to politicians. It's a hard job. Some are far better at it than others but I really don't think anyone deserves to be personally attacked. I like to think that the majority of politicians start out because like me they want to do something positive for the community or the state or the country. I know some lose their pathway but I think we should all try to remember that politicians are real people with feelings who are most likely just trying really hard to do what they believe to be the right thing.

Wednesday 9 September 2015

Manic mornings

I've written about our evening routine before. The mornings are also a really difficult time for me. Ed goes off to work early so that he can be home in time for the evenings, which is great, except it means I'm on my own in the mornings.

It's a lot better since the boys have stopped breastfeeding but they're still not very good at feeding themselves with a spoon so I have to sit and help them. I try and make bed-to-breakfast a very quick transition but somebody always has to wait for something so there is inevitable crying for a short period.

You would think that once they'd had their breakfast they would be happy but unfortunately it doesn't take long for them to start whinging again. They really just seem to be much happier once we're out and about doing something. I'm hoping it will be better in summer when I can just let them go and play outside but they're still crawling and at the moment if they go outside first thing in the morning they are saturated within minutes.

So basically my plan each day is to get out and do something as quickly as possible or at least quickly finish doing all my morning chores so I can give the boys some attention. Unfortunately Miss 3 isn't really onboard with doing anything at all quickly. I have tried endlessly to explain to her that if she could independently get ready and I could independently do my jobs, we would both finish quickly and be able to do something fun. Apparently, this is a concept that the three year old mind simply cannot grasp.

J's morning chores are not arduous. 
I wouldn't even really call them chores. I'm just talking about basic hygiene. Each morning I want her to get dressed, brush her teeth and brush the knots out of her hair without making a massive fuss. 

Another problem I've been having is the road train is getting quite heavy. She's not a bad walker but she gets distracted and getting anywhere takes forever if you have to stop and look at every single thing which is mildly interesting. So I decided to combine my two problems and use a scooter to bribe/incentivise her into doing her morning chores.

I've been asking her to do her clothes, hair and teeth each day for months so I just stepped up the focus on it. I made a little jobs board so she can tick off her things and I can tick off mine once they're done each morning. The idea being that we work as a team and once she has done her three, she can help me with mine and then "jobs done, time for fun."

I can't say that this is the complete answer to my morning problems but I think it has helped. She certainly knows what she's meant to do and I think the fuss is slowly reducing. Last week we had a couple of really good mornings so I made up a little rewards chart to go with the jobs board and told her if she was very good at doing her jobs four days in a row, she would get the scooter. 

I was pretty nervous about doing this because I really didn't want her to fail and I really did want to give her the scooter but I felt like we had some momentum and maybe just a little bit more incentive would keep the ball rolling. With a bit of coaching, she got through the four days and she got her scooter. Hoorah! Now when she's making a fuss in the morning I can threaten to take it away. Not so positive and not so fun but I'm really hoping it won't be necessary too often.

Thursday 3 September 2015

What part-timers want

I hear there are people out there who have successfully navigated being a part-time professional. I am not one of them. When J was 12 months I returned to work two days a week for ten months. J was fine in childcare; she didn't get too sick, she only cried a few times when I dropped her off and I had complete confidence she was happy there. The child wasn't the problem. Day care wasn't the problem. The problem was I was not prepared. I expected to just walk in and pick up where I'd finished up 12 months prior.

In hind sight, I should have known people would treat me differently because that's exactly what happened when I was pregnant. I remember being in the middle of a meeting trying to gain support for something and the only questions I got were, "So when are you due?" and "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Even though I was still committed to getting things done at work the people around me had written me off.

My part-time role was essentially to work on a strategy and then implement it. This was exciting for me. It was something I'd been trying to do for several years in my full-time role but the business as usual work had kept getting in the way. I went in motivated and excited. 

On my first day I was told that rather than reporting to my line manager, I would be reporting to the woman who has been doing my role in my absence. In fact it wasn't even the person who had been doing it for twelve months, it was someone who had just started. I immediately felt like I had been demoted but I didn't want to rock the boat so tried to just accept the decision. As it turned out, my "replacement" felt even more awkward about this arrangement than I did and had actually approached the boss to reverse this decision so that we were on equal footing. She would get on with operations, I would get on with strategy. We would be peers. Good! I had an advocate. 

In the ten month period I was there I actually had three different managers. The only benefit of this is that I can now write about my three different experiences. 

After the initial hiccup of Manager One not wanting a part-time direct report, I thought he was going to be great. He actually apologised and admitted he hadn't really thought it through. He gave me some good direction to get started and then left it to me. At first I thought this was fantastic as my greatest fear had been that I would be expected to do five days' work in my two days. However, I soon began to feel like Milton from Office Space, being kept busy doing not much and pushed further and further into the corner. At one stage, I considered sending an email to everyone saying, "Hello, I've had a baby, not a lobotomy." Thankfully, before this was necessary there was a reorganisation.

Manager Two also didn't want a part-time direct report but this time there was no negotiating so I was back reporting to my "replacement." We were getting along well and together decided not to make a big deal of it because whether the manager liked it or not the nature of the work required her to be somewhat involved. She had greater expectations of me which was refreshing but I felt constantly like she was stalling my work rather than helping me get it done. This drove me slowly insane. It's frustrating enough when you feel like your boss isn't on your side but when you've only got two days to achieve something, this is pretty soul destroying. She left to go on maternity leave after a few months of us working together. I like to think that if we'd had more time together we could have worked it out but I pretty much achieved nothing in this period.

Manager Three was by far the most successful for me. I was still technically reporting to my "replacement" but this manager was interested in what I was doing and keen to get things done. I had an initial re-spark of motivation but in many instances her ideas were different to those of Managers One and Two and by this point I was a bit over it all.  Perhaps I should have realised that given the strategy had taken years to get off the ground and still not really happening, maybe it just wasn't supported.

In a strange twist of events, my "replacement" moved onto another role so I was back doing the operational work and actually officially reporting to the manager. Even though it was only for a few weeks, this period was by far the most rewarding time of my short part-time experience. I achieved things every day. I actually achieved things all week as I had someone reporting through to me who was fantastic. Well she didn't officially report to me because as you may have gathered the organisation had extreme nervousness regarding reporting lines and part-timers but she did a lot of work for me. It worked well. We talked about what might happen while I was away and agreed when there might be times when she would call me. I think this only happened once or twice and I was completely fine with it. I actually encouraged it. I'd much rather someone quickly check in with me on my days off work than have things go off the rails or stall entirely while I'm gone. I was finally doing a job that actually needed to be done and it felt really good. Unfortunately it all came to a crashing halt when the obstetrician basically ordered me to stop work for fear of the twins arriving early (which they did).

So despite a somewhat failed experience, at least I have learnt some things about what I want when I one day return to work again. 

1. Meaningful work. There is absolutely nothing worse than spending time doing something that you don't think is going to be used. Of course this is the case for everyone, but when you're part-time your time is more precious than ever.

2. A boss who is on your side. This seems quite obvious but for some reason it isn't always the case. I want to be successful at work and I understand this includes keeping my boss happy but I don't want to have to waste time selling myself to my boss. I just want us to have the same goals and work together to achieve them.

3. Respect from my colleagues. I'm not just a part-timer. I'm working hard at home all the time AND I work part-time. I don't expect additional respect to my full time colleagues but I do expect equal respect.

4. A supportive environment. Whether this comes from my boss, my peers or even my subordinates, to get things done well I will need support. I accept this. I am likely going to have to take sick or carer's days, go in late or leave early sometimes. This is my reality. To make this work, I need the people around me to be flexible and supportive. I need to be part of a functioning team.

5. To feel like I'm learning and developing. To be honest, when I used to think about being back at work whilst I was on maternity leave, I didn't think this would be important to me. I thought I would just want to go, do my job and leave. I learnt this wasn't the case. Even though work isn't my priority right now, I do still want to progress in my career. I don't expect to maintain the same career trajectory as when full time but I do hope to continue to learn and develop.

I don't think these five things are unreasonable. I think they're actually pretty similar to what full-timers want. It's just that I'm now fortunate enough to be in a position where I get to choose whether I work or not so I'm only going to choose to work if it's good. If I choose to work, I am choosing not to be with my children. I am choosing to accept the challenges which come with daycare; cost, stress of rushing in the morning, stress of dealing with overtired children in the evening, inevitable illness. I am choosing to fit what I currently do in seven days into four or five. Basically I'm choosing to add additional stress to my family. I'm only going to do this if the work is good. Really good.

So does anyone want to offer me a job?