Learnings from three under three

The twins are now one and my big girl is three. We made it through a few weeks of three under two and a full year of three under three. What have I learnt?

1. It will pass. Whatever is going on with your baby, it will pass. Newborns often have tummy issues. People will recommend trying gripe water, infacol, infant's friend, gaviscon, a special concoction from a particular pharmacist, cycling legs, adjusting your diet, more frequent feeds, less frequent feeds, feeding while lying down, holding your baby up after feeds. One of these things may work, they may all work, you will never know. In the end, it will just pass. This principle applies to most things. 

2. Waiting creates independence. Inevitably I am busy when my daughter thinks she needs me. I used to fear her getting up just as I sat down to feed the twins. Now when this happens, she knows I can't help so she gets out the breakfast things herself. Each day there will be something she needs help with and when I'm not there immediately, she will work it out for herself. "I can't put my shoe on" is regularly followed with "oh, I did it." 

3. Hovering doesn't help. Toddlers hurt themself. It's going to happen whether you are standing right next to them or sitting on the other side of the park feeding your twins. Don't feel guilty for not being right there. Similarly, panicking doesn't help. I have caught Miss J climbing far higher than I am comfortable with. Screaming for her to get down is what made her fall. If I had just let her be, I expect she would have been fine.

4. They're probably fine. Babies get sick quickly but they also recover quickly. No matter how much booga there is or how nasty the rash looks to you, unless your baby actually seems really sick, like is extremely floppy or difficult to wake, they are probably fine. (Please note, I am not a medical expert - this is just my experience).  

5. Don't interfere with a happy baby. We've all heard the expression 'don't wake a sleeping baby' but I think it is more important not to interrupt a happy, awake baby. When my three are playing happily, I am always tempted to go and see what they're up to but inevitably more joy comes from watching from afar than trying to get involved. This extends to letting them be pretty free range. Unless they are at risk of hurting themself, each other or breaking something, I pretty much let them do what they want. I often look at my boys and think I would never have let J get as dirty as they are and certainly never had to fish as much dirt or sticks out of her mouth, but these guys like to explore and I like them to be happy.

6. Toddlers and sleep deprivation don't mix. It is a simple reality that toddlers can be infuriating and newborns result in sleep deprivation. If you find yourself wanting to strangle your toddler for behaving exactly the same way as she was the day before when you thought she was delightful, have a think about how much sleep you've had and remember it might be you that's struggling not her. There is not much you can do about this. Just be aware and try to be kind.

7. Routine means you don't have to think. One overtired baby is pretty hard work, two is a bit of a disaster, three pretty much leaves you in the corner rocking to yourself. The answer to this is routine. You may think that you're not a routine person but if you are so tired that you simply cannot think, you will be pleased to be able to revert to an established plan to get through the day. Getting into a routine might be hard to start with but in the end you will be happier for it.  For at least the first six months, neither of my twins would sleep for more than forty minutes at a time during the day but I knew this wasn't enough so when they woke up, I would put them in the pram and either go for a walk or just rock them back and forth at home so they got the sleep they needed. Now they know when they're meant to be asleep and usually they're pretty compliant.

8. They're probably hungry. This applies to babies and toddlers. If someone is out of sorts it is highly likely that they are tired or hungry. If you've nailed the routine thing, you probably have sleep covered, so then you're left with hunger. Snacks are critical. In our house, bananas are pretty much the go to snack. We also have a regular supply of pikelets in the fridge, usually some kind of vegie pikelets. 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk, 1 egg and whatever we have in the fridge just grated through - carrot, zucchini, mushroom. If it's in pikelet form, they will eat it. Also, it seems like no matter what time a meal is planned for, the babies will reach melting point ten minutes before hand. I have accepted this and just put them in their high chairs and give them an 'appetiser' until the meal is ready. This is usually cucumber sticks or cherry tomatoes.

9. Just say no. If you are invited somewhere and the logistics of attending create anxiety, just say no. You don't have to do everything. This one has been hard for me. When I had one baby, I just took her along to things. It was easy. We had routine but it wasn't a big deal to adjust it and if she ended up overtired it was difficult but managable. This is not the case with three. To mobilise is a big effort and it has to be worthwhile. I also recommend taking control of plans. If there is general chit chat about catching up with friends, jump in early and say where and when. Make it work for you.

10. Don't get angry with people who comment, "You've got your hands full". They don't know this is the fourteenth time you've heard that expression today. For some reason they just think "you've got your hands full" is a more socially acceptable comment than "you're awesome."

Babycino appreciation

I started drinking coffee when I was 25. We'd just moved to Melbourne, I had a job at a consulting firm and was advised the best thing to do in my first few weeks was to have a coffee with each of the partners. I pretty soon realised that hot chocolates and mochas just weren't that cool. I graduated to the humble flat white.

I feel my daughter's interest in coffee will develop earlier and more strongly than mine. I remember a moment quite early on with the twins when I was juggling them very ineffectively - try holding them both and no one is happy, hold one and the other cries, swap them over, start again. It doesn't work. I remember looking to J and rhetorically saying something like, "this is hideous, what are we going to do?" Her response was instant, "Put them in the pram, go Yelo (our local), get a cino." You know things are dire when your two year old has better ideas than you.

Admittedly since the twins came along, coffee has become a greater part of my diet and J has come along for the ride with her babycinos. For me, it's not particularly about the caffeine, it's the circuit breaker too. Sometimes you just need to do something that makes you feel normal. Often in the mornings, as soon as the twins go down for their nap, J and I will have a cino together at home. A walk and a coffee is also a pretty regular part of our routine.

This brings me to my main point. The babycino is the most inconsistent coffee order in Perth. This is a problem because toddlers (the target audience) are the most fussy customers possible. Will it have chocolate on top or just cocoa, maybe even sprinkles? Will there be one marshmallow or two? What if there aren't any? Is she going to have a meltdown when it doesn't come out exactly as expected? Is this going to end in disaster? Should I just have not ordered her anything at all? Would that have been better? These are all the things that run through a parent's head as they wait anxiously to see what type of babycino is going to be served to their toddler. I know there are people out there who feel that macchiatos are served inconsistently in Perth but at least with that there are really only two scenarios - topped up or not. The babycino has way too many options!

This weekend, I realised that just like me, J's interest in her cino is no longer about the product, it's about the moment. We were at Humblebee, a local place that prides itself on being purist. One size, no skinny, no soy, no chocolate. Until recently I don't think they did babycinos but they must have realised that they are located in babyboom central and were doing themselves out of a significant market. Our order arrived - no chocolate, no marshmallows, just milk in a cup. I braced myself for a meltdown. J didn't bat an eyelid.

Home made party

The boys are one now. Hurrah! I was meant to return to work in March but I've extended until September so it will be 18 months parental leave (at least). When I first started writing this I said I was going to explore what I could and couldn't do at the same time as being a parent.

I'm telling you right now there is absolutely no way in the world that I could have had a home made party for my boys if I was also working. The reality is you can't get a great deal done at the same time as looking after three children under three. You really do have to break it down to one job a day. If I was working, it would have been one job per night and having suffered through almost a year of extreme sleep deprivation I'm hardly up for imposing late nights upon myself.

I was conscious of not going over the top but to be honest, I really don't think you can over do celebrating your twins turning one. This is a massive milestone. I totally Pinterested it up. Yes, I am apparently a Pinterest mum now. Did not understand what Pinterest was until about six months ago. Now I love it. We went with a monkey theme.

The invitations took a day and then another day to go and get them printed. The cake took me pretty much a day, not to mention the hours I spent surfing the internet to find the perfect cake in the first place. I even test baked a cake to make sure the recipe was still nice when I halved the sugar. We decided to make our own sausages (ambitious I know), with Ed's help this pretty much also took a day. Spinach and ricotta rolls I did a few days earlier and froze, same with the sausage rolls. Little mini-monkey biscuits I made a week ahead and vacuum sealed to keep them fresh. Again, all the rolling and cutting of dough takes forever but you've also got to take into account the time I took searching for the best low sugar, toddler friendly recipe.

I also spent hours sourcing the perfect 'party favours' because I wanted to avoid giving out lollies. Ended up with a soft toy monkey for the littlest guests and a bag for the toddlers which included a colouring page with a picture of two monkeys, monkey stickers, bubbles, a few crayons, a little monkey puppet that I had to print and stick on to a popstick and the monkey biscuits that I had to package separately so the crumbs didn't get everywhere. All these little things take time - lots of time.

If I'd been working, we would have had a pretty similar party. I'm sure it would have been great but I would have bought everything and probably spent all the money I'd earnt working. Anyway, I enjoyed doing it myself. It was fun!

Who's afraid of the Easter Bunny?

Last Easter is a blur. The twins were in the neonatal unit. I was expressing milk around the clock and going to and from the hospital three times a day. If I was lucky I would hold one for a while. I think my family came over for breakfast. I can't really remember. I definitely wasn't at my best.

I have no recollection of even talking to J about Easter. I'm sure I would have but if I can't remember, it can't have been too exciting. This year, Easter is again a busy time for us. It falls on the same weekend as our wedding anniversary as well as S and L's first birthday. Despite this, I decided to make a bit of an effort for Miss J.

I got up early to make bunny footprints and hide some little eggs in the garden. I did not take into account that a seven foot tall bunny had visited her at day care this week rendering her absolutely terrified of the Easter Bunny. So unfortunately, rather than squeals of delight, when she saw the bunny footprints she screamed in terror, lept in to my arms and refused to be put down for quite some time. 

We consequently aborted the egg hunt and went on with our morning. Over breakfast, she talked constantly about the footprints. The excitement was there - just mixed with fear. We eventually convinced her that they were just little footprints, it must have been a different bunny to the one that came to day care and that it had definitely jumped over the fence and down the laneway so she didn't need to worry about it being outside still.

By the time breakfast was done, she was dead keen to get outside and find some eggs. It wasn't the initial reaction I was hoping for but we had fun in the end.

A visit to the dentist

The child health nurse told me 'they' now recommend taking babies to the dentist as soon as they have their first teeth. I don't know who 'they' are but I am choosing not to follow their advice. It did however prompt me to make an appointment for myself and I thought it wouldn't do any harm to ask the dentist to have a look at Miss J's teeth too. I rang and explained to the receptionist that I was bringing my little girl (big baby) and if the dentist could have a quick look that would be great. 

The day arrives and all morning J has been practicing opening her mouth. She is pretty excited about the whole thing. She's still pretty excited in the waiting room. Then we go into the actual dentist room. I now realise this isn't the most inviting of places. It is cold, sterile and stark with weird machines everywhere and the dental nurse is wearing a mask over her face. J's excitement plummets. I can see her keeping an eye on the exit. It looks like she is very much considering whether she can run but the dentist is experienced. He leaps into action, saying all the right things, keeping her calm. I sit on the chair, she sits on my lap and he just talks to her. He is really quite lovely.

He starts to put on his gloves and again her eyes dart towards the exit. He quickly changes tact and proceeds to blow up the glove and tell her he is making a chicken. He gets out a texta, draws an eye on it and lets J draw the other eye. He then draws a smile and starts adding in teeth and we are now at least talking about teeth. He broaches the idea of moving the conversation away from the chicken's teeth to her teeth. She opens her mouth. Just. He counts her teeth. There are twenty. We talk briefly about brushing. He gives her a sticker. I feel like it's been a success. More importantly, she feels like it's been a success.

I then go to pay for myself and discover I'm being charged $63 for J's comprehensive oral exam.' I receive $21.40 back thanks to private health. I am pleased with my decision not to get the boys' teeth looked at.