Thursday, 22 October 2015

I'm pretty much the bachelorette

If you can't beat them join them. I never watched The Bachelor but I thought I'd give The Bachelorette a go and the similarities to my life are just uncanny.

1. Group dates. This is not quality time. This is the second choice I would rather be with you alone but if the other guys are here I guess I'll make the most of it and I'll will be the most enthusiastic and the most noisy and if I get the opportunity I will certainly touch your boob!

Group date - who can be the most interested?
2. The single date. This is highly sought after gold. It doesn't matter what it is but if it's one on one time, someone is going to be extremely excited. "Hey J, do you want to come food shopping with me?" "Just me, Daddy stay here with the boys?" "Yep".  "Yes, yes, yes! I'm coming." The child has never been happier.
Single date at the zoo - happiness explosion.
3. Constant interruptions. There is no bro code in my house. I haven't finished a deep and meaningful conversation with someone in years. Any moment that looks remotely interesting or enjoyable means that someone else is going to jump in and get involved.
Is he so comfortable that he's fallen asleep in your arms? Don't enjoy the moment, I'm here to interrupt.

4. Constant supply of random gifts. The bachelorette has been given a bunch of tickets with random facts on them, a way too personal poster, a hat, a soccer t-shirt and I expect a lot of other stuff that she doesn't want and will never use. I am regularly gifted shrivelled up flowers that were picked days prior, snot filled tissues, slobbered on toys and random bits of dirt picked up off the floor. I have no photo for this as I do not treasure these things. Nobody does.

5. Unsolicited concerts. One of the guys on The Bachelorette randomly busted out a rap. It was strange and mostly terrible except for the fact that he did it. Another guy decided to impress her with a head stand. This blatant looking for attention is strange from adult men but completely normal in my world.
Miss 3 in spontaneous concert. She's even dressed up.
6. Massive attention. The bachelorette could be doing the most menial task and all eyes would be on her. Same right here. I cannot do a thing without a few extra people getting involved.
Peacefully reading the paper and having a cup of tea.

7. Someone gets banished each day. Nope, can't do this. Some days I would like to but it's just not an option. Is there something about loving more than one person at the same time? I'd be able to tick that box.

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