Manic mornings

I've written about our evening routine before. The mornings are also a really difficult time for me. Ed goes off to work early so that he can be home in time for the evenings, which is great, except it means I'm on my own in the mornings.

It's a lot better since the boys have stopped breastfeeding but they're still not very good at feeding themselves with a spoon so I have to sit and help them. I try and make bed-to-breakfast a very quick transition but somebody always has to wait for something so there is inevitable crying for a short period.

You would think that once they'd had their breakfast they would be happy but unfortunately it doesn't take long for them to start whinging again. They really just seem to be much happier once we're out and about doing something. I'm hoping it will be better in summer when I can just let them go and play outside but they're still crawling and at the moment if they go outside first thing in the morning they are saturated within minutes.

So basically my plan each day is to get out and do something as quickly as possible or at least quickly finish doing all my morning chores so I can give the boys some attention. Unfortunately Miss 3 isn't really onboard with doing anything at all quickly. I have tried endlessly to explain to her that if she could independently get ready and I could independently do my jobs, we would both finish quickly and be able to do something fun. Apparently, this is a concept that the three year old mind simply cannot grasp.

J's morning chores are not arduous. I wouldn't even really call them chores. I'm just talking about basic hygiene. Each morning I want her to get dressed, brush her teeth and brush the knots out of her hair without making a massive fuss. 

Another problem I've been having is the road train is getting quite heavy. She's not a bad walker but she gets distracted and getting anywhere takes forever if you have to stop and look at every single thing which is mildly interesting. So I decided to combine my two problems and use a scooter to bribe/incentivise her into doing her morning chores.

I've been asking her to do her clothes, hair and teeth each day for months so I just stepped up the focus on it. I made a little jobs board so she can tick off her things and I can tick off mine once they're done each morning. The idea being that we work as a team and once she has done her three, she can help me with mine and then "jobs done, time for fun."

I can't say that this is the complete answer to my morning problems but I think it has helped. She certainly knows what she's meant to do and I think the fuss is slowly reducing. Last week we had a couple of really good mornings so I made up a little rewards chart to go with the jobs board and told her if she was very good at doing her jobs four days in a row, she would get the scooter. 

I was pretty nervous about doing this because I really didn't want her to fail and I really did want to give her the scooter but I felt like we had some momentum and maybe just a little bit more incentive would keep the ball rolling. With a bit of coaching, she got through the four days and she got her scooter. Hoorah! Now when she's making a fuss in the morning I can threaten to take it away. Not so positive and not so fun but I'm really hoping it won't be necessary too often.

What part-timers want

I hear there are people out there who have successfully navigated being a part-time professional. I am not one of them. When J was 12 months I returned to work two days a week for ten months. J was fine in childcare; she didn't get too sick, she only cried a few times when I dropped her off and I had complete confidence she was happy there. The child wasn't the problem. Day care wasn't the problem. The problem was I was not prepared. I expected to just walk in and pick up where I'd finished up 12 months prior.

In hind sight, I should have known people would treat me differently because that's exactly what happened when I was pregnant. I remember being in the middle of a meeting trying to gain support for something and the only questions I got were, "So when are you due?" and "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" Even though I was still committed to getting things done at work the people around me had written me off.

My part-time role was essentially to work on a strategy and then implement it. This was exciting for me. It was something I'd been trying to do for several years in my full-time role but the business as usual work had kept getting in the way. I went in motivated and excited. 

On my first day I was told that rather than reporting to my line manager, I would be reporting to the woman who has been doing my role in my absence. In fact it wasn't even the person who had been doing it for twelve months, it was someone who had just started. I immediately felt like I had been demoted but I didn't want to rock the boat so tried to just accept the decision. As it turned out, my "replacement" felt even more awkward about this arrangement than I did and had actually approached the boss to reverse this decision so that we were on equal footing. She would get on with operations, I would get on with strategy. We would be peers. Good! I had an advocate. 

In the ten month period I was there I actually had three different managers. The only benefit of this is that I can now write about my three different experiences. 

After the initial hiccup of Manager One not wanting a part-time direct report, I thought he was going to be great. He actually apologised and admitted he hadn't really thought it through. He gave me some good direction to get started and then left it to me. At first I thought this was fantastic as my greatest fear had been that I would be expected to do five days' work in my two days. However, I soon began to feel like Milton from Office Space, being kept busy doing not much and pushed further and further into the corner. At one stage, I considered sending an email to everyone saying, "Hello, I've had a baby, not a lobotomy." Thankfully, before this was necessary there was a reorganisation.

Manager Two also didn't want a part-time direct report but this time there was no negotiating so I was back reporting to my "replacement." We were getting along well and together decided not to make a big deal of it because whether the manager liked it or not the nature of the work required her to be somewhat involved. She had greater expectations of me which was refreshing but I felt constantly like she was stalling my work rather than helping me get it done. This drove me slowly insane. It's frustrating enough when you feel like your boss isn't on your side but when you've only got two days to achieve something, this is pretty soul destroying. She left to go on maternity leave after a few months of us working together. I like to think that if we'd had more time together we could have worked it out but I pretty much achieved nothing in this period.

Manager Three was by far the most successful for me. I was still technically reporting to my "replacement" but this manager was interested in what I was doing and keen to get things done. I had an initial re-spark of motivation but in many instances her ideas were different to those of Managers One and Two and by this point I was a bit over it all.  Perhaps I should have realised that given the strategy had taken years to get off the ground and still not really happening, maybe it just wasn't supported.

In a strange twist of events, my "replacement" moved onto another role so I was back doing the operational work and actually officially reporting to the manager. Even though it was only for a few weeks, this period was by far the most rewarding time of my short part-time experience. I achieved things every day. I actually achieved things all week as I had someone reporting through to me who was fantastic. Well she didn't officially report to me because as you may have gathered the organisation had extreme nervousness regarding reporting lines and part-timers but she did a lot of work for me. It worked well. We talked about what might happen while I was away and agreed when there might be times when she would call me. I think this only happened once or twice and I was completely fine with it. I actually encouraged it. I'd much rather someone quickly check in with me on my days off work than have things go off the rails or stall entirely while I'm gone. I was finally doing a job that actually needed to be done and it felt really good. Unfortunately it all came to a crashing halt when the obstetrician basically ordered me to stop work for fear of the twins arriving early (which they did).

So despite a somewhat failed experience, at least I have learnt some things about what I want when I one day return to work again. 

1. Meaningful work. There is absolutely nothing worse than spending time doing something that you don't think is going to be used. Of course this is the case for everyone, but when you're part-time your time is more precious than ever.

2. A boss who is on your side. This seems quite obvious but for some reason it isn't always the case. I want to be successful at work and I understand this includes keeping my boss happy but I don't want to have to waste time selling myself to my boss. I just want us to have the same goals and work together to achieve them.

3. Respect from my colleagues. I'm not just a part-timer. I'm working hard at home all the time AND I work part-time. I don't expect additional respect to my full time colleagues but I do expect equal respect.

4. A supportive environment. Whether this comes from my boss, my peers or even my subordinates, to get things done well I will need support. I accept this. I am likely going to have to take sick or carer's days, go in late or leave early sometimes. This is my reality. To make this work, I need the people around me to be flexible and supportive. I need to be part of a functioning team.

5. To feel like I'm learning and developing. To be honest, when I used to think about being back at work whilst I was on maternity leave, I didn't think this would be important to me. I thought I would just want to go, do my job and leave. I learnt this wasn't the case. Even though work isn't my priority right now, I do still want to progress in my career. I don't expect to maintain the same career trajectory as when full time but I do hope to continue to learn and develop.

I don't think these five things are unreasonable. I think they're actually pretty similar to what full-timers want. It's just that I'm now fortunate enough to be in a position where I get to choose whether I work or not so I'm only going to choose to work if it's good. If I choose to work, I am choosing not to be with my children. I am choosing to accept the challenges which come with daycare; cost, stress of rushing in the morning, stress of dealing with overtired children in the evening, inevitable illness. I am choosing to fit what I currently do in seven days into four or five. Basically I'm choosing to add additional stress to my family. I'm only going to do this if the work is good. Really good.

So does anyone want to offer me a job?

Goodbye sucky bunny

I've had a parenting win! Miss 3 never had dummies as a baby. We were fortunate in that she basically slept for the first month of her life and it never occurred to me to give her one later on. Lucky I know.

However, when she was a bit older, she did get into the habit of taking a bunny to bed and she sucked it to death. I'm not talking about a slight nibble followed by a cuddle, I'm talking she put the entire ear in her mouth and left it there all night. Actually, when the ear became too soggy she would move on to a foot and by the morning each limb would be a disgusting mess. It didn't really bother me except when she had a cold and I genuinely wondered how on earth she was managing to breathe with a blocked nose and effectively a gag in her mouth.

There used to be three different bunnies which rotated through and she didn't appear to have a preference. Then the stuffing started to come out of one of the bunny legs and despite my extreme efforts to actually sew socks on, this bunny was no longer favoured. Apparently the socks weren't appropriate sucking texture. I had hoped this was the beginning of giving up on the sucking but she just favoured the other two bunnies.

The dependence on bunny had increased lately. About a year ago, if we'd gone away for the weekend I probably wouldn't have been too worried about not taking a bunny but more recently there has been a favourite bunny required for every nap and sleep.  This poor bunny has actually been titled Sucky Bunny and there have been many discussions about perhaps Sucky could just be Cuddly tonight but this suggestion had never been received well with comments such as, "maybe when I'm four."

Then the other night as I said goodnight I commented Sucky was particularly pungent and that we really must give her a wash. Miss 3 lept out of bed and put her straight into the washing. I hadn't actually intended that to happen but I seized the opportunity to say that if she was happy to go to bed without Sucky then tomorrow we would find a special burrow for Sucky to live in and that she wouldn't suck on any bunnies anymore.

She was totally on board. She slept completely fine. The next day when I brought in the washing I showed her that Sucky was all clean and she happily put her away in a drawer in her bedroom. I told her I was proud of her. She told me she was proud of herself.  We had a hug. It was like some kind of parenting poetry. I even rewarded her by letting her choose a new toy when we were out later that day. She chose a Tasmanian Devil which I'm pleased to say has remained suck free.

Jarrahdale Heritage Reserve

A wonderful event was held in Jarrahdale on the weekend to bring together the local community and introduce the revitalised heritage reserve. There was a log chopping competition, sausage sizzle, singing from the primary school and a marvellous bonfire. A wander down the Wattle Walk to the Gooralong Brooke which is being re-vegetated saw young children giggling with delight as they played on the rocks, balanced along the fallen trees and some even splashed in the water despite the near freezing conditions.

As the sun went down and the chill set in, it was great to see people gathering together and enjoying a baked potato cooked in the smouldering ashes of the bonfire.

The greatest part of this event was that it was all run by volunteers and brought together various community groups including the school P&C, volunteer bushfire brigade, heritage society and many simply interested people from the community.  It is these volunteers who have basically made the heritage park.  For years this land has sat idle and overgrown, with even locals not truly understanding the potential. Now, thanks to a few volunteers, lead by my Dad and his mate Geezer, this is a truly beautiful destination that will be treasured by locals and I believe become a day-trip destination for the people of Perth.

The day after the opening event we went back for a quiet walk and this is when I truly appreciated the beauty. There is a spring that produces water all through the year and the stream is running beautifully at the moment.  It was a bit tricky with the boys who aren't yet walking but we took the wagon and they certainly enjoyed the scenery.

Miss 3 had a fabulous time throwing sticks in the water and watching them bob along like boats. She tasted the spring water, looked out for frogs, listened to the birds and generally just enjoyed being out and about.

Jarrahdale is situated in the jarrah forest of the Darling Scarp, less than an hours drive from Perth.  The heritage reserve is best entered behind the Jarrahdale General Store where you can easily find car parking.

Thank goodness for sunny days

This weekend's beautiful sun could not have come at a better time. I've often marvelled at how parents manage in small apartments or cold climates. I am absolutely hopeless when we are stuck inside. It's bad enough when the children are all healthy but had we not been able to get out this last few days with sick and whingy babies, I think I may have been driven to insanity. 

I appreciate that many will say that sick children should be kept home. In theory I completely agree with this. My husband was immune suppressed for years and still has a pretty useless immune system. I would love for him and my children to never be exposed to germs but I just think it's impossible. If we didn't go out each time someone had a runny nose, I wouldn't have been out of the house in months. I'm completely onboard with not visiting newborn babies when sick or not going into confined spaces, but I simply cannot just stay at home. I would go crazy.

I also come from a school of thought that fresh air and some extra sleep is good for you. So on Friday when the when both L and S were particularly unwell we went to the zoo. J has a half hour lesson there every Friday and it would have been a shame for her to miss out because of the sick babies. I was a bit nervous at first but it turned out really well. The boys stayed in the pram the whole time and just napped on and off. It was really quite perfect. I expect if we'd stayed home they would have whinged all morning, not napped at all and we all would have ended up in tears.

We did skip swimming for the babies on Saturday. I'm not sure if all the chlorine kills the bugs but indoor swimming pools don't seem like the healthiest of places. Instead, I walked the boys to the markets and Ed and J met us there after swimming. The boys were whinging terribly while at home and I was cursing that I hadn't taken them to swimming as well but as soon as we got out of the house they were fine. Then the sun came out properly and it was amazing. We grabbed some coffees and croissants and sat down on the grass while the three children played happily. I loved it.

I remember when the smell of vomit made me want to vomit

It's been a rough few days. I'd made a doctor's appointment to discuss a suite of non-urgent issues regarding the boys. As mentioned previously, premature twins are not the most care free of babies so I was all set with my list of matters to raise and hoping for the doctor to eliminate some of my worries.

Unfortunately, Master L had another idea. He woke up pretty unhappy and progressively got worse until he was pretty distraught during the appointment. We left with a prescription and instructions to come back 24 hours later if I hadn't decided to take him to hospital. I then obviously spent the rest of the day and much of the evening stressing about whether or not I should take him to the hospital. We made it to the morning though and I was feeling pretty good about my decision to stay home.

Almost needless to say, as soon as I stopped worrying about Master L, Master S started to deteriorate. At least I already had a doctor's appointment.  I'd just called to see if they were running on time and was waiting the additional twenty minutes with S asleep in my arms when all of a sudden there was an almighty stream of vomit all over me and the sofa. 

Miss J approached with a look of some concern but mostly curiosity and in amongst the chaos I could see she was retching a bit. Rather than being concerned for her I have to admit I was a bit nostalgic. I used to be a bit of a sympathetic vomitor. I also used to think that carrying around snotty tissues was gross. Now I think I'm disorganised if I don't have a few tissues on the go at any one time. We use cloth nappies at home too and that means scraping poo into the toilet. Parenthood is not a glamorous gig.

A full costume change for me and for Master S and we were off to the doctor. We came back with another prescription plus the doctor's mobile number and home address.

Learnings from three under three

The twins are now one and my big girl is three. We made it through a few weeks of three under two and a full year of three under three. What have I learnt?

1. It will pass. Whatever is going on with your baby, it will pass. Newborns often have tummy issues. People will recommend trying gripe water, infacol, infant's friend, gaviscon, a special concoction from a particular pharmacist, cycling legs, adjusting your diet, more frequent feeds, less frequent feeds, feeding while lying down, holding your baby up after feeds. One of these things may work, they may all work, you will never know. In the end, it will just pass. This principle applies to most things. 

2. Waiting creates independence. Inevitably I am busy when my daughter thinks she needs me. I used to fear her getting up just as I sat down to feed the twins. Now when this happens, she knows I can't help so she gets out the breakfast things herself. Each day there will be something she needs help with and when I'm not there immediately, she will work it out for herself. "I can't put my shoe on" is regularly followed with "oh, I did it." 

3. Hovering doesn't help. Toddlers hurt themself. It's going to happen whether you are standing right next to them or sitting on the other side of the park feeding your twins. Don't feel guilty for not being right there. Similarly, panicking doesn't help. I have caught Miss J climbing far higher than I am comfortable with. Screaming for her to get down is what made her fall. If I had just let her be, I expect she would have been fine.

4. They're probably fine. Babies get sick quickly but they also recover quickly. No matter how much booga there is or how nasty the rash looks to you, unless your baby actually seems really sick, like is extremely floppy or difficult to wake, they are probably fine. (Please note, I am not a medical expert - this is just my experience).  

5. Don't interfere with a happy baby. We've all heard the expression 'don't wake a sleeping baby' but I think it is more important not to interrupt a happy, awake baby. When my three are playing happily, I am always tempted to go and see what they're up to but inevitably more joy comes from watching from afar than trying to get involved. This extends to letting them be pretty free range. Unless they are at risk of hurting themself, each other or breaking something, I pretty much let them do what they want. I often look at my boys and think I would never have let J get as dirty as they are and certainly never had to fish as much dirt or sticks out of her mouth, but these guys like to explore and I like them to be happy.

6. Toddlers and sleep deprivation don't mix. It is a simple reality that toddlers can be infuriating and newborns result in sleep deprivation. If you find yourself wanting to strangle your toddler for behaving exactly the same way as she was the day before when you thought she was delightful, have a think about how much sleep you've had and remember it might be you that's struggling not her. There is not much you can do about this. Just be aware and try to be kind.

7. Routine means you don't have to think. One overtired baby is pretty hard work, two is a bit of a disaster, three pretty much leaves you in the corner rocking to yourself. The answer to this is routine. You may think that you're not a routine person but if you are so tired that you simply cannot think, you will be pleased to be able to revert to an established plan to get through the day. Getting into a routine might be hard to start with but in the end you will be happier for it.  For at least the first six months, neither of my twins would sleep for more than forty minutes at a time during the day but I knew this wasn't enough so when they woke up, I would put them in the pram and either go for a walk or just rock them back and forth at home so they got the sleep they needed. Now they know when they're meant to be asleep and usually they're pretty compliant.

8. They're probably hungry. This applies to babies and toddlers. If someone is out of sorts it is highly likely that they are tired or hungry. If you've nailed the routine thing, you probably have sleep covered, so then you're left with hunger. Snacks are critical. In our house, bananas are pretty much the go to snack. We also have a regular supply of pikelets in the fridge, usually some kind of vegie pikelets. 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk, 1 egg and whatever we have in the fridge just grated through - carrot, zucchini, mushroom. If it's in pikelet form, they will eat it. Also, it seems like no matter what time a meal is planned for, the babies will reach melting point ten minutes before hand. I have accepted this and just put them in their high chairs and give them an 'appetiser' until the meal is ready. This is usually cucumber sticks or cherry tomatoes.

9. Just say no. If you are invited somewhere and the logistics of attending create anxiety, just say no. You don't have to do everything. This one has been hard for me. When I had one baby, I just took her along to things. It was easy. We had routine but it wasn't a big deal to adjust it and if she ended up overtired it was difficult but managable. This is not the case with three. To mobilise is a big effort and it has to be worthwhile. I also recommend taking control of plans. If there is general chit chat about catching up with friends, jump in early and say where and when. Make it work for you.

10. Don't get angry with people who comment, "You've got your hands full". They don't know this is the fourteenth time you've heard that expression today. For some reason they just think "you've got your hands full" is a more socially acceptable comment than "you're awesome."