How holiday planning has changed

We're going to Bali! Last minute decision to take advantage of free flights before the boys turn two.

The last time we went on a really spontaneous holiday was probably in 2009. That was when Kevin Rudd was giving out economy stimulation money and we were both in a bit of a rut at work. We went to New York. It was fantastic...you only live once...no regrets...all those things...

A lot has changed since then. 

That time we just thought where would we be fun that we hadn't been before. This time we thought where would be easy and not too long of a flight. That time we found an apartment on Craig's list. It was tiny but in a superb location on Bleecker Street. This time the key location consideration is that it's not too far from the airport. 

I know you can't really compare Bali to New York but I can compare to the last time we went to Bali. That time we went to two different places; Amed which is a slightly off the tourist track and Ubud. This time we're staying at a resort in Nusa Dua and just the idea of moving locations sends shivers up my spine. Tourist central is fine with me and I am completely ok if we don't leave the resort.

Pre-children was all about location. The actual room we stayed in didn't mean too much to me. It was just somewhere to sleep. Post-children, the accommodation really matters. It needs to be big enough that we won't have to whisper while the children are sleeping and there needs to be things to do. Having children's activities was the number one priority in choosing our accommodation. 

What else has changed? I think the only special request I'd ever considered pre-children was late check-out. This time I've requested car seats for the transfers and a pool fence around our private pool. Previously, the idea of stepping out the door into a pool sounded luxurious. Now it just causes anxiety.

Of course comparing no children to three children is extreme. It wasn't like this when we had just one baby. We had a great holiday with baby J. A week in London and three fantastic weeks travelling around Spain. She was just short of one and at that age you can still do a lot of the things you would do without children. We went to museums and art galleries, we ate out at bars and some quite nice restaurants. Of course we also completely embraced the siesta. We didn't go to a single park and we didn't have to. It was just the right age. A little bit older and we would have had to work in activities for her. 

That's where we're at now. The children need things to do. I'm not planning to drop them off at a creche and run but I am planning to go with them to do children's activities. What we do will be based on what I think will be nice for them. The reality is that unless they're happy I'm not happy so the best thing to do is to keep them happy. 

The irony is that right now relaxing by the pool and reading a book sounds like a dream but before we had children, when that was an option, it isn't what I wanted to do. When we came to Bali before we did activities everyday; scuba diving, white water rafting, bike riding. We went into the towns, we ate with the locals. There was a bit of lying around by the pool and it was nice but it wasn't what I went on holiday for. I had the opportunity to switch off and basically do nothing but it wasn't what I wanted. 

How things change!

The love of a twin

If you google 'amazing twin stories' you will find some fascinating reading. There is one particular story that always comes up about twins who were separated at three weeks and found each other at the age of 39. They had both been named Jim by their adoptive parents, both married and divorced women named Linda, both married again to women named Betty and both had sons named James. Identical twins separated at birth is like a dream for people interested in nature versus nurture research. These two are still being studied by the University of Minnesota.

There will be none of that with my boys because the most they've been separated is to opposite sides of a small room for about a week while they were in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). When they were born, they were pretty swiftly whipped away and put into separate humidicribs. I did think it was a bit sad that they had to be separated after literally being on top of each other for 34 weeks but they also couldn't breathe independently so I was pretty happy for the doctors to do whatever they thought best. About a week later, they moved into a SCN (special care nursery) but the hospital was experiencing an unprecedented twin boom and we had to go on a wait list for a twin bassinet. They were next to each other but still in separate bassinets. 

I didn't think too much about it until the day when some lucky parents got to take their twins home and we got to inherit their twin bassinet. I didn't know it was a big deal for me but I was pretty overwhelmed when I walked in one morning and found them together in a twin bassinet. Nothing magical happened. They didn't all of a sudden start eating well and put on massive amounts of weight, their disposition didn't change, they didn't all of a sudden smile and reach out to one another. Really, nothing happened at all. It was just nice. 

Nearly two years on I can't say that I have any miraculous stories about the twin bond. Nothing super weird has happened. The boys like each other. They like each other a lot. I just can't say I have any super amazing stories. Having said that, over the last few weeks, something pretty incredible has happened. It has really made me sit up and think about how special the twin relationship is. 

Master L took his first steps 11 weeks ago. Nearly three months ago. It was a big deal. He was just short of 20 months old. Well and truly time to start walking. Do you think he did? No. Not at all. Not even close. For the past 11 weeks, we have caught him stealthily taking a few steps here and there. We've seen him basically run when pushing something around, he would walk for miles holding my hand but try as we might to encourage him, he simply has not been interested in actually independently walking. Not at all. Not even a tiny little bit. I thought he would be happier if he walked and he clearly could if he tried but it's not something you can make someone do. So he didn't. Fine. Weird but fine I thought.

Then just a few weeks ago, Master S took his first steps. At nearly 22 months, this was a massive deal. The physio had told us not to expect him to walk until he was 2 so this was pretty amazing. We didn't get too excited as based on our experience with Master L, first steps doesn't actually mean that much is going to change soon. The difference between S and L though is from that day forward, Master S has been keen. He's trying really, really hard. He's taking a few steps, falling, getting up again. He looks incredibly awkward and uncomfortable but he's showing massive determination.

As it turns out, Ed and I are not the only people super happy with Master S's progress. As we have been watching S get up, have a go and fall down over and over again, Master L hasn't just decided to start trying to walk, he has actually started walking. He's gone from taking a few steps if he thinks nobody is watching to literally doing laps of the house. 

We make a big deal of it and he looks at us like we're crazy. He has no idea why we're so impressed. Clearly L could do it all along. He was just waiting for his brother. 11 weeks of waiting. I don't have that kind of patience. Can you imagine being able to walk for 11 weeks and just choosing not to? That's some kind of special love. It must be twin love.

Playing with ice

February is living up to being the hottest month of the year in Perth. Inspired by this video, we've been doing ice activities. We've had a lot of fun and it's kept us cool but I can't say things have gone as smoothly as the lady in the video suggests. 

We started with ice boats. I used a selection of different sized plastic containers to freeze water in for the hull. The sails were just popsticks with a felt triangle glued on. 

First learning. Manage expectations. It's a bit mean to tell a 3yo we're making boats, sit down and make the sails together and then not actually be able to play with the boats until the next day. It takes a while for large amounts of water to freeze and I think she asked me approximately 53 times if the boats were ready yet. 

Second learning. In our freezer, 2.5 hours was the magic point when the water was icy enough to stick the popsticks in without them falling over but not so solid that I couldn't stick them in. Having said that, we checked about a million times so it probably wouldn't have taken quite so long if we didn't keep opening the freezer.

Third learning. Use better glue. Most of the sails came away from the popsticks within minutes of getting wet.


Finally it was time to play with the boats. Miss 3 and I were excited. Boys couldn't really have cared less. This is the bit that didn't go so smoothly. I think the problem was that the chunks of ice were too heavy but it we'd made them any smaller they would have melted too fast so I don't know what the solution is. We tried a few different 'rivers'. Firstly, a strip of foil just on a slope on the lawn.

 

The boats were too heavy and they just got stuck. Next, the foil down a slide. 

Too steep, they tumbled rather than sailed. Third, a shorter slope just into a container of water.

Still not a lot of gentle sailing down the river but the boys enjoyed just watching them float around in the body of water at the bottom so that was a win for them.

Miss 3 wasn't so convinced. She wanted a bit more action but by this point the ice had almost all melted. We ended up writing our names on the popsticks and just racing those down a piece of old pipe. This was a total success from Miss 3's point of view and way less preparation involved than making the ice boats. 

 


Conclusion. Would I play with boats again? Definitely. Would I bother to make them out of ice? Probably not. 

Next on our ice adventure was ice paints. I'd learned to set expectations this time so we made them one day and knowingly played with them the next. I just used a usual ice tray, one third paint, two thirds water and then mixed them with a popstick.

First learning. Leave a gap between colours on the ice tray. Between the stirring and moving them to the freezer there was a bit of spillage between colours. This wouldn't have been an issue if I'd just separated them out more.

Thanks to activity one, I knew to just set a timer for 2.5 hours and then easily put the popstick handles in. Now that I knew what I was doing, the preparation for this one was really quite easy. 

The best news is that the painting was pretty successful too. In fact, I'm going to say this is the best way I've found for the twins to paint. At first, not a lot of paint came off on to the paper but it didn't take long for the ice to melt and then it started to get easy. Both boys as well as Miss 3 had a good go at it. 

It got increasingly messy as the ice melted and eventually ended up as finger painting but it was actually pretty cool that the consistency kept changing because it kept things interesting. 

Conclusion. Ice painting is a winner for little tackers. We'll definitely be doing it again.

The next activity was ice animal rescue. For this one, I didn't even try to get the boys involved. I just don't think they would have the attention span. Miss 3 did pretty well with it. I'm going to say it took about an hour to rescue all the animals but I'm not sure she would have stuck with it if she didn't have adult encouragement.

The preparation for this one was a bit of a pain in the neck. To make sure the animals aren't all bunched together you have to do it in layers. I kept forgetting to add layers so it ended up taking quite a few days for me to get this organised. Fortunately I hadn't told Miss 3 about it so it was just a nice surprise for her when I got it out of the freezer one afternoon.

The great thing about this activity is there are quite a few different methods to approach the task. Miss 3 started with her tools. 

She quite quickly decided that her tools weren't good enough and demanded a tool quality upgrade. This is when the supervision stepped up.

Next she tried salt which she quite liked putting on but I don't think she particularly noticed the effect it was having. 

Water was a good one. At first just pouring water over the large ice block and then after it was broken up a bit she would leave it in a bowl of water.

Once it was broken up and not too heavy, throwing chunks of ice on to the bricks was also pretty fun. Though, unfortunately this did result in a bit of damage to one of the toys. Eventually all the animals were rescued.

Conclusion. Success. Will do this one again too.

There were a few chunks of leftover ice so Ed and Miss 3 did some experiments together. They coloured the ice and then used salt and sugar to see how it affected the melting. It was super pretty and kind of interesting but not interesting enough to hold a 3 year old's attention for long.

Conclusion. Very little effort involved in the preparation. Won't rush to do it again but if we ever have leftover chunks of ice, may as well give it another go.

Overall conclusion on playing with ice. Very positive. Will definitely try some of these again and keep an eye out for new ideas too.

Find 30

This isn't about exercise. I do nine minutes a morning. That's it. This is about spending individual time with each child. 

A reality of life is the first born child is going to receive loads and loads of individual attention. When they're not having one on one time with Mum, they're probably getting two on one time with Mum and Dad. When it comes to individual attention, first born children have it made.

A second born child will get much, much less individual time. That's reality. Then if the second born child happens to be twins and becomes second and third born all in one, the amount of individual attention they receive isn't just halved, it's pretty much negated. Parents of twins put a lot of effort into getting their children on the same schedule or risk insanity. One of my boys went through a phase of waking up from his afternoon nap a bit earlier than his brother and I would whip in and get him before the other woke. At first I was annoyed that he wasn't napping properly but I actually came to love that half an hour I got to spend with him. A week or so later when he went back to napping properly I was actually a little bit sad. Other than little snippets like that, the only individual attention the twins have regularly received is a bed time story which takes about five minutes. The singleton first born child probably got about ten hours a day. The second born twins, five minutes each. It's not fair but it is reality.

Side note: Singleton is a word only parents of multiples have ever heard. It is a word though. I didn't make it up. 

I'd heard it was a good idea to give twins individual time but hadn't really put much effort into it until their physiotherapist recommended a book on speech to me, "Baby Talk" by Sally Ward. I diligently purchased it but then nearly dismissed it because it's based on the premise that you need to spend thirty minutes of individual time each day with your child. Ed gets home from work around 5pm, we have dinner at 6pm and the boys are in bed by 7pm. How are we meant to fit in 30 minutes each?

Well it's not easy but we're trying. Motivated by a desire for them to learn to talk more and whinge less, we're trying really hard. We definitely don't achieve it everyday but just having the goal means that the boys are getting more individual time than they would otherwise. The best days are when Miss 3 is feeling independent and Ed can take one boy while I have the other. Sometimes it's not a solid 30 minutes, sometimes we only do one boy, sometimes we skip it all together. But with the goal of 30 minutes a day, we achieve it more often than we thought we would. 

Is it making a difference to their speech? It's hard to say. They're definitely coming along but that could just be good timing. What I can tell you for sure is that it's making a great difference to our relationship with each child. I'll admit that sometimes the thirty minutes feels like something I have to do, like a chore. I actually set a timer. Despite this, afterwards I feel great that I've done it and I'm finally starting to feel like I'm getting to know each boy individually. Another reality of twins is they do get treated the same, especially identical twins. The newborn months are a blur for everyone. There was no time to sit and stare. If both boys were happy, it was my opportunity to spend time with their sister. There's just no way I could have bonded as much with each boy as I did with the first born singleton. Try as I might, it just wouldn't have happened.

Now, by spending individual time with each child, I'm starting to feel that bond come along and I'm actually getting to know the boys as individuals. It turns out Master L is really keen on jigsaw puzzles. I never knew this before because if we ever sat down to do a puzzle, it would just be the two of them fighting over the pieces. Or just as likely, Miss 3 would swoop in and do it for them. Now by giving them half an hour of individual time, they get the opportunity to do their own thing without interruption and they love it. We started the individual time to help with their speech but I think we'll be keeping it up long after they're talking well. It's nice. I like it.

It's also turned out to be a great activity to do during the witching hours. Children don't whinge when they're getting individual attention. It's a fact. The last hour before dinner has always been pretty hard work but now we've turned it into an enjoyable and productive time. Yes, it means I have to be super organised with dinner, yes it means I don't really get to speak to Ed when he gets home and yes it's probably the last thing Ed feels like doing when he gets home. Ultimately, though, we both agree it's a great little exercise for the whole family. I really do recommend it to anyone with little children close together. 

Find 30. It's a good idea.

Friend your freezer

Beer/meat fridge

We have three freezers. Yes, three. The normal one above the fridge, a bar sized one in the laundry which we bought to stock meals before the arrival of the twins and one in the shed which wasn't planned but is the top bit of Ed's massive beer fridge. It's lucky we have it as my parents generously bought us a third of a steer for Christmas so the shed fridge is now the beer and meat fridge. Man cave much?

Last week I had signed up for a freezer to lunch box challenge with Peta Lee from the road to loving my thermo mixer. If you don't know this website, even if you don't have a thermomix you should certainly check it out. I honestly think Peta has been one of the most influential people in my journey to becoming a housewife. There are literally hundreds of great recipes and I'm pretty sure they all have non-thermomix instructions too. 

I wasn't particularly committed to participating in the challenge but then I was unexpectedly approached about picking up some paid work. It may not eventuate but the threat of it has certainly made me get my act into gear. If I end up working 16 hours a week, something is going to have to give and it can't be food. We're all going to have to keep eating. So I stepped up to the challenge and now have enough snacks in the freezer to keep us going for quite a while. This is what I did in the course of about 4 hours over two sessions. One session involved the help of Miss 3 so you can probably take off at least half an hour if you don't have 'help'.

Freezer inventory

Before I started I actually did a freezer stocktake. This may sound mad but I am forever buying or even making things I already have in the freezer. I'm also guilty of leaving things in the freezer way too long. I now have an inventory. I don't know how good we'll be at keeping it up to date but so far I'm nerdishly into it so it's looking good.

Muffins and pikelets

Recipe 1 from the challenge was mini carrot cakes. Total success. Very small amount of sugar suggested and I reduced it even further. Perfect for little ones. I froze them in batches of six and kept one bag out to eat fresh and it's already gone. I also did some zucchini and chia muffins just because we had some zucchini that really needed using up. 

Pikelets for oven baking

While these were cooking I got onto Recipe 2 which was banana maple pikelets. I skipped the maple syrup so just banana really. Pikelets have been a staple for us for a long time but I've never made such a massive batch (or followed a proper recipe). My favourite thing about pikelets is they're not crumbly so you can confidently whip them out at doctors appointments, child-free houses and any other places where you'd prefer not to make a mess. This recipe produced so much batter that I tried to bake some in the oven rather than standing over the frying pan for too long. I'm going to say this only worked ok. The oven baked ones are a lot less fluffy and didn't brown up as much as the pan ones but hopefully nobody besides me will care. 

Bagged balls

Session 2 started with Recipe 3 of the challenge, chocolate balls. I was a little hesitant about this one because I'm pretty sure I have a chocolate addiction and the last thing I want to do is pass it on to my children. I looked at the recipe though and there was only a tablespoon of cacao powder so I figured they can't be too chocolatey. They're actually mostly sultanas. While I was at it, I also did some date and oat balls. The secret to making raw balls really quickly is to make sure your hands are quite damp when you're rolling them. If you have dry hands you'll just end up in a sticky mess. With damp hands, even Miss 3 made some pretty round balls. I bagged the two types up together so we have a mix when we unfreeze them.

Muesli pods

Recipe 4 was muesli pods which are like bite sized muesli bars. This was probably the least successful of the recipes because some of them were a bit too crumbly and didn't make it to the freezer. It didn't go to waste though because I make a batch of muesli about once a week and I just added the crumbly bits to that. I stored these ones in boxes separated with baking paper. I'm hoping this enables us to get them out one at a time. They might end up being for Ed and I rather than the children because they're going to be pretty filling and definitely crumbly. These are not the ones to take to a mess free environment!

Cheesy brocolli muffins

Recipe 5 was cheesy broccoli muffins. I don't cook a lot of savoury snacks. It's not that I don't like savoury things it's just I don't think you can go past cheese and biscuits for a savoury snack and that requires no effort what so ever. Anyway, they turned out well and cut in half, with a bit of butter or cream cheese and some ham could actually work out to be a nice lunch. It will be good to have something different. Sandwiches are our staple lunch. Sometimes toasted sandwiches. Occasionally wraps.

So I'm ready. If I ended up picking up some work, we will still have food. It will be challenging but I'm pleased to say we will still eat. 

What is this sensory box thing I hear about?

It won't come as a surprise to you to hear that 21 month old boys who can't walk can be extremely frustrated and extremely whingy. It must have been about six months ago that I realised I was going to have to get a bit more creative with some activities for them. Expecting them to wander around and find things to do just wasn't working.

I googled activities and asked around and the term sensory box kept coming up. I tended to skip over it as for some reason just the term makes my eyes roll. Anyway, it's just a box with something in it for children to play with. Ideally something with a different texture that might be a bit interesting. Really not that big a deal. Not sure why I wasn't into it. I've embraced it now and and tried quite a few different things.

This is flour. Fun to put cars in because you can see the tracks they make. I've just saved it in a plastic bag labelled 'play flour' so we can use it over and over again.

These are oats. That is a three year old. The boys did have a bit of a go but the reality is that the three year old has a much greater attention span and lasts longer with pretty much any activity. Again, I've saved the 'play oats' and used them multiple times.

These are used coffee grounds. This was a bit more difficult to organise but between some friends and us it didn't take too long to gather enough coffee. The trick is that you really need to let it dry out for quite a while to make sure it doesn't go mouldy. 

With this one, the boys do actually touch the coffee and seem to enjoy squashing the little boulders. I think this is the 'sensory' idea... to actually feel the texture. 

This is water. Plain old water and of all the 'boxes' we've done, this has by far been the most popular. By the most popular, I mean kept people happy for the longest.

When they start to lose interest in plain old water, you can add bubbles and that keeps things going for a bit longer too.

Of course you can combine any of these things together as long as you're ok with mess. The coffee in water mix was particularly messy but also popular.

All in all I would say the sensory boxes have been successful but I don't think anything actually beats the sandpit in terms of time spent keeping them happy. This probably isn't because of the actual sand. I expect if we had a flour or oats or coffee pit it would be the same. I just think the sandpit is the best because it's big and they can really immerse themselves in it.

Possibly the only thing that makes the sand better is when we mix it with water. Again, it's more mess but you just have to be ok with that.

Two things for you

I didn't find the adjustment to being a mum too difficult but the adjustment to being a housewife was a struggle for me. Apart from anything else, you get next to no feedback at home. I remember Ed coming home and me being all like, "Hey, did you notice that I tidied that shelf? Is this food ok? Do you like it? Did you see that I swept outside? I alphabetised the spices. Are you sure this food is ok?" Ed was of course all, "Yes, you're amazing, I love you, thank you, blah, blah, blah". I'm pretty sure he was probably thinking something more upon the lines of "hmmm, I wonder how long this is going to last? Do I need to get my head around the idea of being a stay at home Dad. Is she going insane?"

In my defence, our situation was a bit weird because I was starting from a very low base. Ed had been off work or working from home for years leading up to Miss J's arrival so he'd been in charge of most of the house stuff. I knew nothing. I remember when we first got a notification in the mail saying we had to go and get a parcel from the post office, honestly having no idea where the post office was. I remember getting frustrated that the plastic bags I was getting at the shops didn't fit in our bin and Ed calmly telling me it was because if you go in the 15 items or less aisle they give you smaller bags. I remember thinking I was never going to just know things like that. Never.

Three years later, I'm confident to say I'm nailing this housewife thing. There's always room for improvement but I'm super organised and with organisation comes extra time and with extra time comes improvement. So I'm feeling pretty good about it all. I still can't say I'm an awesome cook but I am very proficient at following a recipe and I know where to find lots of good recipes. I've even become an occasional recipe tester for my favourite recipe app, 4 Blades (nobody is paying me to say that. I just really like it and use it a lot).

The other obvious difference between now and when I first went on maternity leave, is that we have now have three small children so things are a lot more difficult. Also, I don't feel like I need feedback as much. I have my plans and schedules and I know that if I'm meeting those plus keeping the children alive, than I am achieving. It's that whole thing about if you have a list and get to tick things off, you simply feel good. Even if you made the list up yourself. Or perhaps especially if you made the list up yourself.

I'm planning to write and share more about organisation in the coming months but for now I thought I'd share two things for you which I thoroughly recommend. These are for you. They will improve your life immensely.

1. Get a cleaner. If you can afford it, get a cleaner. Even if you only keep it up while you're receiving maternity pay, it is so worth it. We have two ladies, mother and daughter, who come fortnightly for an hour and a half. It's great. One person for three hours would be a bit annoying but to get out of their way for an hour and a half is easy. I am extremely happy to spend the $85 each fortnight.

It doesn't mean I don't have to clean at all but I don't have to do the big stuff. When that line of scum shows up on the bath, I don't think, "oh dear, I really need to clean that," I think, "Oh well, the cleaners will be here in a few days." It wasn't the actual cleaning that was getting me down, it was the constant feeling that I should be cleaning. I was finding it impossible to relax when there was always something to be cleaned. I no longer have that feeling and I love it. 

2. Embrace on-demand television. So now that I don't have to feel guilty about cleaning, when the boys are napping and Miss 3 is having quiet play in her room, I really do get to watch tv if I want to. However, there is nothing more soul destroying than mid afternoon tv. 

You don't have to put up with that. I've only used iview and tenplay but I'm pretty sure every channel now has some kind of on-demand facility. You can watch whatever you want, whenever you want. I watched the Bachelorette through Tenplay and I'm now enjoying Please Like Me on iview. We've also got Netflix now and I love it. It costs $12 per month and there are literally hundreds and hundreds of shows, documentaries and movies. You can binge watch to your hearts content. I've enjoyed Orange is the New Black, Jessica Jones, Suits, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Jane the Virgin and currently loving Master of None. 

It's not just the choice that makes this way of watching tv so much better than the old way. There are no ads and you can pause, stop and start as much as you want. Netflix has a 30 second rewind button so when Miss 3 comes out to ask me some terribly important questions, I simply pause, answer the question, rewind for 30 seconds and start again. It's so easy and so much more enjoyable than watching some rubbish you're not particularly interested in which is filled with ads. 

When you're down time is special, you need to make the most of it! Don't ruin it by having to worry about cleaning and don't waste it by watching ads. 

Get a cleaner and watch Netflix. 

You deserve it.