Ikea with children. Just don't.

There is something about Ikea that induces a level of anxiety in me that is just not natural. I don't know what it is. I like the place. I like the products. We have a lot. Unfortunately, we needed more. Need is an exaggeration but there was a deal in May that I wanted to use. 

There were five things on the list. One required me to go to the spare parts desk, the other four were all in the market hall. We didn't even need to go to the display floor. It should have been a stealth mission. In and out. 

It was not. 

I knew things weren't looking good. We went to the toy library on the way. This usually takes about twenty minutes but just as we were ready to leave, the nice lady said to the children, "Would you like to stay for storytime?". Like moths to light, they all flocked into the story room. It was great. Everyone had a fantastic time. 

Unfortunately it meant we were over an hour behind schedule. 

We pretty much had to drive directly past our house between the toy library and Ikea. I had the opportunity to abort. I decided to push through. Wrong decision. 

Upon arrival in the car park, "Mum, I need to go to the toilet." 

"Ok that's fine, we'll go in a minute." 

"No, I'm busting. I need to go right now." 

I'd taken the other two to the toilet while we were at the toy library. Apparently I should have reminded Miss 4 as well.

She was panicking. It wasn't good. She really was busting. I had a pretty good car park. I only had to do the hold one, drag one shuffle for about 50 metres. We got to the bottom of the escalators. 

Miss 4 does not like escalators. I cross my fingers in hope that her need to wee will make her forget her need to worry about the escalators. She looks up at me. She sees I have the boys in my arms. She tells me she's really busting again. I say we have to go up the escalators. She says ok. We do it.

Everyone has a go at using the toilet and we find a trolley. We're back on track. Just terribly behind schedule. First stop is the spare parts desk. We wait 15 minutes. This isn't good. It's basically lunch time. Have you ever noticed that there are pictures of food throughout Ikea? My children did. They are pointing every single one out. Every. Single. One. They need to eat. 

Finally we actually get to do the shopping part. I'm winding the child-filled trolley through the market hall like a professional rally driver. I feel like I could be on some kind of reality tv show. I'm doing really well. I'm winning. 

Where is the last item? I can't find it! I'm panicking. It's just a role of easel paper but I really don't want to go home without it. I ask a guy. He starts to tell me it's upstairs in the children's display area. I really don't want to have to go upstairs. I definitely don't want to go to the children's display area. Please no. Another staff member approaches to tell us that sometimes they have them near the check-out. I must be looking at her like some kind of crazy woman. She hesitantly asks me if I want her to call ahead and ask if it's there. Yes I do. Of course I do. That is what service is lady!

It's there! We're on our way out. I pick up three rolls of paper. 

Now the children can actually see the food. We're just in the checkout area. I commit to buying them some food. I'm pretty sure they are actually salivating. It's not the proper dining hall area, just the impulse buy on the way out. I glance over at the place we're meant to sit and eat it. We have a problem. There are no chairs. It is literally standing room only at high tables. I ask the staff member. Apparently there are a few seats around the corner. Ok, we can do this. 

There's a bench seat. I line them all up with their chips. Twin 1 drops chips. I pick them up. Twin 2 drops chips. I pick them up. "I need sauce," says Miss 4. I go to get sauce. Twin 1 falls off bench. Chips are everywhere. This isn't working. I feel like the entire store is looking at us. I'm pretty sure at least 20 people are. I feel a tap on the shoulder. I brace myself. This could go either way. It's ok, it's positive. Someone is telling me they're leaving and we can have their seats. Thank you.

Ok, we're sorted at a proper table and chairs. Everyone is happy. 

"Wee" I ignore. 
"Wee...wee...wee..."

I pretend it's not happening.

"Mum! S needs to do a wee." It's getting harder to ignore.
"Mum, you need to take him to the toilet right now."

How is this happening!

I take a deep breath and calmly explain that if I take S to the toilet that J and L have to come too. "I don't mind to come," says J.

Ok that's a good start. I then explain that we also need to take all the food that we've just found a table for as well as the trolley with all our stuff in it.

"Mum. It's too hard. You need to ask someone to help," says the wise four year old.

She's right. I look around. All of a sudden nobody is looking at us. We've gone from being the entertainment to being invisible.

I take another deep breath. I stuff all the food back into the packaging it never fit into, pile it on top the trolley and off we go to the toilet.

Again, all three have a go. 

We return to our table. We eat the food. We leave.

Everyone is happy in the car. I wonder if it was as traumatic for them as it was for me. That afternoon the boys napped for an unprecedented solid three hours. I guess the trauma is real.

Teddy Bears' Picnic

We celebrated my big girl's fourth birthday on the weekend with a teddy bears' picnic themed party. So much fun! Also, so much work for me but I said that last year about the twins' first birthday and I still went back for more. I think I quite like it and having time to do these things is certainly a perk of being a stay-at-home-mum.

One of the big differences from last year  is that Miss now 4 is actually very helpful. She pretty much packed the party bags independently. She helped make the bows for pin the bow-tie on the bear as well as giving genuine, constructive feedback on my efforts to draw the bear. She also really tried to help when I was having trouble doing the eyes for on the cake and put up some pretty decent ideas while we were brainstorming solutions. On the morning, she got out all the bears and helped set them up on the picnic rugs. This wasn't just token helping but honestly made the task quicker. Proper, useful helping.

I recommend the teddy bears' picnic theme. There are lots of  bear things to do. I did teddy bear shaped fairy bread, home-made tiny teddies and marshmallow teddies as well as putting ears on some of the platters to theme-up the non-bear foods.

We decorated the garden with picnic rugs and set-up little bear picnics before everyone arrived. We have a pretty decent supply of bears ourselves plus I managed to pick-up an extra bag full from our local Buy Nothing (free stuff) Facebook group.

We did some games this year. First time I've bothered. We did action songs and a bear hunt around the house. This was probably the best part. I basically read out 'we're going on a bear hunt' book and the children all joined in and we marched around the house and back again with the bears they'd brought.

Pin the bow-tie on the bear went well but I realise now takes quite a long time so probably better for smaller groups. I had planned to award someone a prize but the boy who won was so thrilled there was really no need for a prize. We also did musical bobs but I didn't end up making anyone the winner. We just did it for activities sake and they were all bear songs with obvious actions so the children got right into that. 

It was all over in two hours but it was lots of fun and we have one very happy four year old. Definitely worth the effort.

Twelve days of toilet training two year old twin boys

This isn't a story about how to toilet train in three days. This isn't a story about waiting until the right time and then it being super easy. This isn't a story of it being disastrous. This is just a story about what we did and how it worked for us.

With the boys having a few developmental delays, I had assumed that we wouldn't toilet train for a while. However, since things started coming together for them they just haven't stopped. The latest thing was Master S constantly wanting to sit on the toilet. It was driving me crazy. In the end, I decided if I was going to spend half my day reading to him on the toilet then we may as well give toilet training a go. I looked at the calendar and picked a week in May when we didn't have much on. We went to the shops and bought 15 pairs of undies (huh! as if that was enough) and fortunately around the same time received a box of hand me downs which included another 12 sets of undies. 

We did three things to prepare. One - I started to talk to the boys about how they would wear undies soon and not need nappies. Two - We switched to using cloth nappies overnight as well as during the day just because I think they can feel the dampness more in cloth. Surely that has to help with awareness. Three - I started putting them on the toilet whenever they showed interest and we actually did get a few poos in.

Then one Thursday afternoon I decided we couldn't wait another month. I texted Ed to make sure he was ok with us giving it a go. He responded with a yes at 4.30pm. We'll call this Day 0.

Day 0. 4.30pm. I rolled up all the rugs in the house, put the toddler seats on both toilets, announced that children weren't allowed on the sofa for the time being (which Miss Nearly 4 was strangely compliant with), put the undies on, took this cute photo and sent it to Ed. By the time I'd hit send, I had to change the undies. By bedtime there had been seven accidents. 

Day 1. I wasn't expecting any success so it didn't matter that I was on my own. The boys have a terrible habit of pooing in bed just as they wake up so I lept in and got them out of their cots as soon as I heard sounds. I was there in time. Success I thought! 

That wasn't the only success we had for the day. We also got most of a poo in the toilet but by nap time we had been through 24 pair of undies. It was constant. It was comical. I wasn't worried. I remembered that my daughter had been similar on her first day but she got there eventually.

Day 2. Ed was home and things were a lot easier. We had a few successes and only 16 sets of undies to wash at nap time. We'd also been to swimming lessons so they undoubtedly weed in the pool but they didn't wee in the car so I was happy with that. 

Day 3. Only one accident each all day! I was amazed. Ed and I were high-fiving each other. I was beginning to think those stories about toilet training in three days weren't mythical.

Day 4. Massive regression. Worst day by far. Ed was back at work so I was on my own. It was really hard. Most of the accidents happened during the morning rush when I was busy cleaning up breakfast, hanging out the washing and putting the groceries that had been delivered away. It took me 1.5 hours to put the groceries away and we still had multiple accidents during this time. 

Master S had a few successes but on two occasions while I was helping him, Master L had accidents. This is when back-up would have been good. I considered buying a potty to put next to one of the toilets so I could be with both of them at the same time but that would mean leaving the house and we certainly weren't up to that. 

By bed time that day, I was feeling like a failure. How could they regress so much? It didn't help that Miss Nearly 4 decided to turn into a monster on this day as well. Clearly she was sick of being stuck at home. So was I. We weren't a happy household. 

Day 5. My friend took Miss Nearly 4 out for the morning. She deserved a break. So did I but that wasn't going to happen. There were still quite a few accidents (more than Day 4) but also quite a few successes. I felt like we were back on track. 

Day 6. I was babysitting another 4 year old which I know sounds crazy but it actually worked nicely. He and Miss Nearly 4 played pretty independently so I was free to keep an eye on the boys. I also had a friend come over in the afternoon. Slightly fewer accidents but still nowhere near the success of Day 3.

Day 7. We had to leave the house to go to the toy library. Apparently the message was received that they weren't to wee in the car. We got there. I told them each how wonderful they were. We walked inside and they both immediately weed on the floor. It was a little bit funny. There were only two more accidents that day though so we were nearly back to Day 3 standard. I was happy. 

Day 8. Ed had the day off work and I wanted to get out of the house. We went to the zoo. The first time I took them to the public toilets they screamed and ran away. Not sure if this was because they didn't need to go or because they didn't like the adult-sized toilets. The second time there was a toddler seat and they both did a wee. Hooray. 

We got home all dry and it was looking like being an accident free day. That was until we went to a friend's house for dinner. It was noisy. It was new. The toilet was upstairs. We were downstairs. They both had accidents.

Day 9. Unremarkable day. A few accidents each.

Day 10. When I decided to kick-off the toilet training, I knew we had the Playschool concert to go to on this day and had decided that if we had to we would just put nappies on them. We decided to risk it. No problems at all! We got there and back and didn't even visit a toilet. Winning! S still had a couple of accidents later in the day but L had his first accident free day and we were feeling great again! 

Day 11. Another unremarkable day. A few accidents each. 

Day 12. Ed was back at work. I was braced for regression but I was rewarded with success. Accident free all round! Hip hip hooray! We did it! 

It was a tough 12 days but it was worth it. We spent a lot of quality time at home. We read a lot of books and we did a lot of puzzles.

I'm under no illusions that it's all done and dusted. I know there will be accidents and frustrations and they'll be hanging out in their undies for a while longer. It's not over yet but it's the afternoon of Day 13 now and so far so good. I'm very pleased.

Two by two!

We have two little two year olds!

It's definitely been a difficult year. So much more difficult than the first. We've had a lot of worries and a lot of hard days. We haven't hit many of the traditional milestones but things are changing and there are some pretty great things happening so I've made up my own list of milestones we've hit in the last month or so. 

The morning call-out. It's finally changed from general crying or nonsensical yelling to a pretty clear, "Mummy...Daddy...Jen Jen" on repeat. "Mummy...Daddy...Jen Jen....Mummy...Daddy...Jen Jen..." Much harder to ignore than general whining but also pretty cute. I like it.

Getting in and out of the car. Two walkers means two less trips trips to or from the house. We get home. I just open the doors, get them out and they toddle into the house. Same goes for when we go out. I basically just carry our gear and they get themselves to the car. I never knew what a difference it would make but all of a sudden things are taking a lot less time. To put a cherry on top, the boys walking has coincided with Miss nearly 4 being able to put on her own seatbelt. It's amazing. Who knew getting into the driver's seat and not having to twist around to buckle her up would feel like a luxury!

Not reliant on the pram. I'm only seeing a glimpse of this but we now no longer need a pram to cross the road. We went to the library this week. Parked, got out and walked in. Carrying two plus nappy bag and keeping an eye on Miss nearly 4 is just hazardous. With walkers, things are all of a sudden so much easier. Even if I end up carrying one, it's still so much better than getting the pram in and out of the car for a 30 second walk.

Occasional dual independent play. The difficulty with twins is that even if one is happily playing, unless the other one is as well it makes no difference to me. I'm either able to do something of my own or I'm not. To make matters worse, usually if one is happily playing and the other requires my attention, as soon as I go to play with the second one, the first stops what he's doing and wants to get involved with me. 

The other problem is that they interfere with what each other is doing and this results in screaming. People often say to me that it must be wonderful that they always have someone to play with and I'm sure it will be one day but most of the time right now, it's more like they always have someone to mess up what they're trying to do. 

Having said all that, I am starting to see snippets of the future. It's still remarkable when it happens but every now and then they actually play together and keep each other entertained for a while. It pretty much always ends in tears but there is a golden time when it's smiles all around. 

Following instructions. This is one that I knew they should have been able to do a while ago but I didn't know what a difference it would make when they eventually got there. Now days when I ask someone to put something away, he loves it. He'll pick up the toy or whatever it is, toddle off and come bag with the biggest smile on his face, so proud of himself. They both are going through a phase of loving putting things in bins too. We'll be at the park, someone will pick up some rubbish, look around and walk 100 metres to put it in the bin. The other one will be so jealous that I'll have to help him find some rubbish so he can have a go too.

General comprehension. Finally, I feel like when I'm talking to the boys they're actually understanding what I'm saying. This is the one that rang alarm bells for me a while back. It just seemed like they had no idea what was going on in the world. As it turned out, they couldn't hear consistently, so sadly I was right. We've got that all sorted out now and it's great. I can tell them what we're doing, where we're going, who's going to be there and they actually understand. It's so much more rewarding, so much more fun and everyone is so much happier. 

I know a lot of these things happen for much younger children. I know that there are other milestones that we're meant to hit at two but this is where we're at right now and I'm loving it. All the things that we thought would happen between one and two are happening right now in the space of just a few months. Exciting times! Great times!

The emotional toddler - how far we've come

"I'm worried I'm going to get overwhelmed," said Miss Nearly 4. 

"Don't worry, at least you're self-aware," I respond.

It certainly wasn't a conversation I ever thought I'd be having with a three year old but I had to smile. It wasn't too long ago she would have just started crying and I wouldn't have known why. We were on our way to her best friend's house but she knew there were going to be lots of other people there as well. 

She was right. There were a lot of people. It was completely reasonable to feel overwhelmed but she managed. At one point she took herself off to read books quietly but she was fine. She was absolutely fine. She didn't cry, she didn't cling, she didn't misbehave. In fact, she had fun.

We have come so far. So very far. I'm not a psychologist, I'm not an expert. I'm just someone with a highly emotional child who has tried really hard to help her learn to manage. Here are some things we have done.

1. We prepare her. A big trigger for my daughter melting down is when there are a lot of people somewhere. We now know that it's really useful to warn her know before we get somewhere that there are likely to be lots of people. The downside of warning her is she starts to get anxious but I find this to be better than surprising her. Where possible I also try really hard to arrive early and let the people slowly join us rather than walking straight in to a crowded area.

Another one is when there's people around that she doesn't know. At Christmas time, we were going to my brother's house for dinner. She normally loves it there but I knew that my brother's in-laws from Sweden were going to be there too and that she would quite likely be a bit scared of them. For a while before hand I kept reminding her that other people were going to be there, talked about who they were and showed her photos. It worked.  She didn't freak out. She didn't withdraw. She had a good time.

2. We talk about emotions a lot. A lot. We label feelings. Sad, cross, frustrated, worried, happy, very happy, excited. Now that she knows what all these feelings are, she can tell me how she's feeling rather than just melting down. For us the meltdown usually manifests with tears and sometimes misbehaviour. For a very long time, the poor girl would wake up from her nap an emotional wreck and I never knew why. She still has days when she just wakes up sad and I still struggle to know what to do but we're getting better. 

3. We acknowledge that emotions are ok but we've still got to get things done. I say things like, "it's ok to feel sad, it's ok that you don't know why you're feeling sad, thank you for telling me you're feeling sad, even though you're sad I still need you to eat your breakfast and do your jobs so we can go out." This last part is often not received so well and I wish I could do something else for her but that is reality. She's part of a family and we can't all stop what we're doing because she's having a sad day. I wish we could but we can't. 

4. We talk about what makes us happy. We've got a few strategies. If we're not in a hurry, I might ask if she just wants to go back to bed and cuddle her bear. She knows that some of the things that make her happy are cuddling her bear, listening to music and reading books. These are our known, talked about strategies. 

These days she'll sometimes tell me when she thinks she just wants to have a break and do one of her 'happy' things for a while. It's taken a long time to get to this point though. We've done a lot of 'feelings' activities. Here are my three favourites. 

Looking at characters in books. There are plenty of books around with wonderful characters experiencing different emotions. I mentioned on facebook a few days ago that one of my favourites is Axel Scheffler's Pip and Posy series. The pages are filled with different animals experiencing different emotions. We look at the pictures and we talk through what's happened. In one picture a cat has been hit in the head with a frisbee and obviously feels sad and then there are other people looking at her and they look worried. Then we talk about other things that might make us feel sad or worried and it just gets the conversation going.

Paper plate faces. This was a fun one we did a long time ago but they still come out and get played with every now and then. Basically, we just drew faces on paper plates and stuck pop sticks to them so they're like little puppets. We played games with them, talked about what emotion they had and why they may have felt like that.

Emotion photos. This was very fun to do. Ed, Miss 2 at the time and I each made different faces and took photos of them. Happy, sad, angry, worried, silly, silly, silly again. We did it ages ago but sometimes we still go back and look at the photos. Again, it just gets the conversation going about feelings and that it's ok to feel different ways.

Like I said, I'm not an expert but I was pretty pleased with how she managed herself the other day at her friend's house. It may just be developmental or it may be the things we've done to work through the difficult times. Either way, I feel like my emotional toddler has come so far and I'm very proud of her.

Safety share - drowning is silent

We had a terrifying near miss on the weekend. Since telling a few people about it, they have shared their own horror stories and it's got me thinking that we need to be more open about these things. Surely if we all share our near misses, we'll all be more vigilant and hopefully avoid some future accidents. Here's what happened.

I'd be feeling guilty about how hard I am on Miss 3 (nearly 4). She's a really good girl and I expect a lot from her. The reality of her life is it's dominated by her brothers. "We have to go because the boys need a nap," "No we can't do that, it will be too difficult with your brothers," "You better hurry up and finish that because I can hear the twins waking up"...and so it goes on. My nagging voice is the soundtrack to her life.

This weekend I was determined to make sure she had a good time. We were staying in a big house with a great group of friends, most with either one or no children. It was the perfect opportunity to accept help and relax a bit. I was particularly keen to take the opportunity to spend some quality time with Miss 3.

The big house had a big pool. Miss 3 (soon to be 4) has been doing swimming lessons once a week since she was 6 months old - for over three years. Can she swim? No. Other than the half hour lessons once a week she has had very little exposure to the water. We don't have a pool, we don't have nearby friends with a pool, we don't have pool equipment, we don't have pool rules. I can count on one hand how many times she's been in a pool other than at swimming lessons. We go to the beach occasionally when we have a third adult around but that's not really swimming. It's just splashing. Swimming lessons have ensured she isn't afraid in the pool but she's yet to learn to swim. She's probably close but close isn't enough.

Sticking to my plan to make sure Miss 3 had a good time, while the boys were napping I interrupted her usual 'quiet play' time to take her for a swim. She was ecstatic. We had a fantastic time. Ed was doing laps and she started doing her own laps holding onto a noodle. She was all smiles. Absolutely loved it. Ed joined in and I'm not sure if it was about the swimming or the fact that she had absolute, undivided attention from both parents but she was incredibly happy. It was a wonderful time. 

Unfortunately we were cut cut short by the boys waking up earlier than expected. We got out of the pool and I don't think think Miss 3 thought twice about it. I, on the other hand, felt pretty guilty that her fun was cut short. I now feel ridiculous for feeling that guilt because now I have the guilt of nearly letting her drown.

Later that same day, a bunch of people were going for a swim. Ed was preparing dinner and the boys were being quite difficult so I had to be with them. I told Miss 3 she couldn't go with everyone else in the pool. She was pretty devastated and a friend offered to take her. I was a bit nervous but I said yes and checked to make sure my friend understood Miss 3 couldn't swim.

Now, to paint a full picture, the house we were staying at was really poorly designed. You basically couldn't be in the backyard unless you were in the pool area. This meant I stayed inside with the twins. We got some toys and I put them right near the glass door so I could keep one eye on Miss 3. When Ed finished preparing dinner, we took a boy each and went outside. It was getting a bit cold but this stage so we didn't take them in the pool, just let them watch from the side. 

There was a break in the fun and a lot of people took the opportunity to get out of the pool and go inside, including my friend who had kindly been supervising. Miss 3 was fine with this until she realised one family was staying in the pool and then she really wanted to stay in as well. Ed had taken Master L inside and but I was still outside with Master S. I told Miss 3 she couldn't go in because there was no one to go with her. She was really upset and again I felt guilty. The father of the two children who were still in the pool told me he was happy to take her in with him.

I was reluctant but I wanted her to keep having fun so I agreed. There were so many things I should have done differently at this point. For starters, how could I possibly have expected someone to look after his own two children as well as mine? That is a ratio of 1:3 in a swimming pool. Admittedly one of his could swim independently and the other was happy bobbing around with her back-pack on. Still, it wasn't a good idea. Secondly, I didn't make her put floaties on. It might have been ok to just use a noodle when she was getting one-on-one supervision but with 1:3 she really should have a float device attached to her. The floaties were right there. They were already blown up. It would have been so easy to just slide them on. 

I've played this over and over in my head and now as I write it I see that there were opportunities for things to go wrong throughout the day but here's when it happened. She asked me to go and get a particular pool toy that had been taken inside. At first I said no because I didn't want to leave her but after a while when things seemed to be going fine, she was still going on about it so I quickly nipped inside and got it. Everything was still fine when I got back.

I gave her the toy and she was happily playing on the graduated steps at the shallow end of the pool. I was standing right near her. The father took the opportunity to swim a little further away and give his own children a bit more attention. The next thing I knew she was under water. She was sinking. I remember screaming her name, consciously having to put Master S down a little way away from the edge of the pool and rushing in to pull her out of the water. She can only have been under for a few seconds but I have played those seconds over and over in my mind ever since.

Between sobs and hysterics, she kept saying, "Ï sunk, I sunk, I forgot my noodle." It was just heart breaking. It was terrifying then and it's still terrifying now. The thing that scares me the most when I think back is that it was silent. A drowning child cannot scream. They cannot splash when they're under water. There is no noise. It is silent. They are solely reliant on you watching them. Not listening. Watching. It's all about the watching and only about the watching.

We were lucky. It could have been tragic. I realise now that she must have let go of the noodle in order to play with the toy and then just swam off without thinking. I think about what would have been if 'she forgot her noodle' while I was inside finding the toy. I was gone for less than a minute but that's probably all it takes. I think about what would have happened if I'd had Master L rather than S with me. I put S down on his bottom when I ran into the pool because he's not particularly stable. Had it been L, I most likely would have just put him on his feet and it's very likely he would have followed me in. 

I think about how awful I feel now and I imagine how much worse I would feel if I'd let her drown. I want to say it's not worth imagining but it is because that is what will stop me taking a risk in the future. 

She seems to have recovered and I expect it won't be too long before she forgets it ever happened. I, on the hand, will never forget.

Swimming lessons - approx 6 months

How holiday planning has changed

We're going to Bali! Last minute decision to take advantage of free flights before the boys turn two.

The last time we went on a really spontaneous holiday was probably in 2009. That was when Kevin Rudd was giving out economy stimulation money and we were both in a bit of a rut at work. We went to New York. It was fantastic...you only live once...no regrets...all those things...

A lot has changed since then. 

That time we just thought where would we be fun that we hadn't been before. This time we thought where would be easy and not too long of a flight. That time we found an apartment on Craig's list. It was tiny but in a superb location on Bleecker Street. This time the key location consideration is that it's not too far from the airport. 

I know you can't really compare Bali to New York but I can compare to the last time we went to Bali. That time we went to two different places; Amed which is a slightly off the tourist track and Ubud. This time we're staying at a resort in Nusa Dua and just the idea of moving locations sends shivers up my spine. Tourist central is fine with me and I am completely ok if we don't leave the resort.

Pre-children was all about location. The actual room we stayed in didn't mean too much to me. It was just somewhere to sleep. Post-children, the accommodation really matters. It needs to be big enough that we won't have to whisper while the children are sleeping and there needs to be things to do. Having children's activities was the number one priority in choosing our accommodation. 

What else has changed? I think the only special request I'd ever considered pre-children was late check-out. This time I've requested car seats for the transfers and a pool fence around our private pool. Previously, the idea of stepping out the door into a pool sounded luxurious. Now it just causes anxiety.

Of course comparing no children to three children is extreme. It wasn't like this when we had just one baby. We had a great holiday with baby J. A week in London and three fantastic weeks travelling around Spain. She was just short of one and at that age you can still do a lot of the things you would do without children. We went to museums and art galleries, we ate out at bars and some quite nice restaurants. Of course we also completely embraced the siesta. We didn't go to a single park and we didn't have to. It was just the right age. A little bit older and we would have had to work in activities for her. 

That's where we're at now. The children need things to do. I'm not planning to drop them off at a creche and run but I am planning to go with them to do children's activities. What we do will be based on what I think will be nice for them. The reality is that unless they're happy I'm not happy so the best thing to do is to keep them happy. 

The irony is that right now relaxing by the pool and reading a book sounds like a dream but before we had children, when that was an option, it isn't what I wanted to do. When we came to Bali before we did activities everyday; scuba diving, white water rafting, bike riding. We went into the towns, we ate with the locals. There was a bit of lying around by the pool and it was nice but it wasn't what I went on holiday for. I had the opportunity to switch off and basically do nothing but it wasn't what I wanted. 

How things change!

The love of a twin

If you google 'amazing twin stories' you will find some fascinating reading. There is one particular story that always comes up about twins who were separated at three weeks and found each other at the age of 39. They had both been named Jim by their adoptive parents, both married and divorced women named Linda, both married again to women named Betty and both had sons named James. Identical twins separated at birth is like a dream for people interested in nature versus nurture research. These two are still being studied by the University of Minnesota.

There will be none of that with my boys because the most they've been separated is to opposite sides of a small room for about a week while they were in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). When they were born, they were pretty swiftly whipped away and put into separate humidicribs. I did think it was a bit sad that they had to be separated after literally being on top of each other for 34 weeks but they also couldn't breathe independently so I was pretty happy for the doctors to do whatever they thought best. About a week later, they moved into a SCN (special care nursery) but the hospital was experiencing an unprecedented twin boom and we had to go on a wait list for a twin bassinet. They were next to each other but still in separate bassinets. 

I didn't think too much about it until the day when some lucky parents got to take their twins home and we got to inherit their twin bassinet. I didn't know it was a big deal for me but I was pretty overwhelmed when I walked in one morning and found them together in a twin bassinet. Nothing magical happened. They didn't all of a sudden start eating well and put on massive amounts of weight, their disposition didn't change, they didn't all of a sudden smile and reach out to one another. Really, nothing happened at all. It was just nice. 

Nearly two years on I can't say that I have any miraculous stories about the twin bond. Nothing super weird has happened. The boys like each other. They like each other a lot. I just can't say I have any super amazing stories. Having said that, over the last few weeks, something pretty incredible has happened. It has really made me sit up and think about how special the twin relationship is. 

Master L took his first steps 11 weeks ago. Nearly three months ago. It was a big deal. He was just short of 20 months old. Well and truly time to start walking. Do you think he did? No. Not at all. Not even close. For the past 11 weeks, we have caught him stealthily taking a few steps here and there. We've seen him basically run when pushing something around, he would walk for miles holding my hand but try as we might to encourage him, he simply has not been interested in actually independently walking. Not at all. Not even a tiny little bit. I thought he would be happier if he walked and he clearly could if he tried but it's not something you can make someone do. So he didn't. Fine. Weird but fine I thought.

Then just a few weeks ago, Master S took his first steps. At nearly 22 months, this was a massive deal. The physio had told us not to expect him to walk until he was 2 so this was pretty amazing. We didn't get too excited as based on our experience with Master L, first steps doesn't actually mean that much is going to change soon. The difference between S and L though is from that day forward, Master S has been keen. He's trying really, really hard. He's taking a few steps, falling, getting up again. He looks incredibly awkward and uncomfortable but he's showing massive determination.

As it turns out, Ed and I are not the only people super happy with Master S's progress. As we have been watching S get up, have a go and fall down over and over again, Master L hasn't just decided to start trying to walk, he has actually started walking. He's gone from taking a few steps if he thinks nobody is watching to literally doing laps of the house. 

We make a big deal of it and he looks at us like we're crazy. He has no idea why we're so impressed. Clearly L could do it all along. He was just waiting for his brother. 11 weeks of waiting. I don't have that kind of patience. Can you imagine being able to walk for 11 weeks and just choosing not to? That's some kind of special love. It must be twin love.

Playing with ice

February is living up to being the hottest month of the year in Perth. Inspired by this video, we've been doing ice activities. We've had a lot of fun and it's kept us cool but I can't say things have gone as smoothly as the lady in the video suggests. 

We started with ice boats. I used a selection of different sized plastic containers to freeze water in for the hull. The sails were just popsticks with a felt triangle glued on. 

First learning. Manage expectations. It's a bit mean to tell a 3yo we're making boats, sit down and make the sails together and then not actually be able to play with the boats until the next day. It takes a while for large amounts of water to freeze and I think she asked me approximately 53 times if the boats were ready yet. 

Second learning. In our freezer, 2.5 hours was the magic point when the water was icy enough to stick the popsticks in without them falling over but not so solid that I couldn't stick them in. Having said that, we checked about a million times so it probably wouldn't have taken quite so long if we didn't keep opening the freezer.

Third learning. Use better glue. Most of the sails came away from the popsticks within minutes of getting wet.


Finally it was time to play with the boats. Miss 3 and I were excited. Boys couldn't really have cared less. This is the bit that didn't go so smoothly. I think the problem was that the chunks of ice were too heavy but it we'd made them any smaller they would have melted too fast so I don't know what the solution is. We tried a few different 'rivers'. Firstly, a strip of foil just on a slope on the lawn.

 

The boats were too heavy and they just got stuck. Next, the foil down a slide. 

Too steep, they tumbled rather than sailed. Third, a shorter slope just into a container of water.

Still not a lot of gentle sailing down the river but the boys enjoyed just watching them float around in the body of water at the bottom so that was a win for them.

Miss 3 wasn't so convinced. She wanted a bit more action but by this point the ice had almost all melted. We ended up writing our names on the popsticks and just racing those down a piece of old pipe. This was a total success from Miss 3's point of view and way less preparation involved than making the ice boats. 

 


Conclusion. Would I play with boats again? Definitely. Would I bother to make them out of ice? Probably not. 

Next on our ice adventure was ice paints. I'd learned to set expectations this time so we made them one day and knowingly played with them the next. I just used a usual ice tray, one third paint, two thirds water and then mixed them with a popstick.

First learning. Leave a gap between colours on the ice tray. Between the stirring and moving them to the freezer there was a bit of spillage between colours. This wouldn't have been an issue if I'd just separated them out more.

Thanks to activity one, I knew to just set a timer for 2.5 hours and then easily put the popstick handles in. Now that I knew what I was doing, the preparation for this one was really quite easy. 

The best news is that the painting was pretty successful too. In fact, I'm going to say this is the best way I've found for the twins to paint. At first, not a lot of paint came off on to the paper but it didn't take long for the ice to melt and then it started to get easy. Both boys as well as Miss 3 had a good go at it. 

It got increasingly messy as the ice melted and eventually ended up as finger painting but it was actually pretty cool that the consistency kept changing because it kept things interesting. 

Conclusion. Ice painting is a winner for little tackers. We'll definitely be doing it again.

The next activity was ice animal rescue. For this one, I didn't even try to get the boys involved. I just don't think they would have the attention span. Miss 3 did pretty well with it. I'm going to say it took about an hour to rescue all the animals but I'm not sure she would have stuck with it if she didn't have adult encouragement.

The preparation for this one was a bit of a pain in the neck. To make sure the animals aren't all bunched together you have to do it in layers. I kept forgetting to add layers so it ended up taking quite a few days for me to get this organised. Fortunately I hadn't told Miss 3 about it so it was just a nice surprise for her when I got it out of the freezer one afternoon.

The great thing about this activity is there are quite a few different methods to approach the task. Miss 3 started with her tools. 

She quite quickly decided that her tools weren't good enough and demanded a tool quality upgrade. This is when the supervision stepped up.

Next she tried salt which she quite liked putting on but I don't think she particularly noticed the effect it was having. 

Water was a good one. At first just pouring water over the large ice block and then after it was broken up a bit she would leave it in a bowl of water.

Once it was broken up and not too heavy, throwing chunks of ice on to the bricks was also pretty fun. Though, unfortunately this did result in a bit of damage to one of the toys. Eventually all the animals were rescued.

Conclusion. Success. Will do this one again too.

There were a few chunks of leftover ice so Ed and Miss 3 did some experiments together. They coloured the ice and then used salt and sugar to see how it affected the melting. It was super pretty and kind of interesting but not interesting enough to hold a 3 year old's attention for long.

Conclusion. Very little effort involved in the preparation. Won't rush to do it again but if we ever have leftover chunks of ice, may as well give it another go.

Overall conclusion on playing with ice. Very positive. Will definitely try some of these again and keep an eye out for new ideas too.