Fathering is not babysitting

My lovely husband cashed in the electricity credit we've been building up since having solar panels and surprised me with a new tablet/laptop thing. It's super cool! Today's blog is a tribute to him.

While I'm out on my own, it never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me who's babysitting the children. I always say something like "Ed is parenting them." When we had one baby I also found it quite irritating how impressed people were to find that my husband was capable of looking after her. Seriously people, it's not that hard. The only thing he cannot do is breastfeed but he's pretty good at heating up expressed breast milk. Really, not that hard.

We now have three children under three and at times it is hard to do on your own. It is particularly challenging between 6 and 7pm when they all have to be fed, bathed and put to bed, when they are all reaching the end of their tether and when you too are just looking forward to that moment when you can sit down. 

Unfortunately, when I have meetings they are always at 6pm. Even if the meeting only goes for half an hour it always seems to be at 6pm and so I miss the hour of power and Ed is left to do it on his own. He has managed this time without me far more frequently than I have without him and I am grateful. Apart from the general whinging and crying to worry about at this time of day, this is also the most hazardous time of the day so it is right to have heightened stress levels. In our house, if anyone is going to choke or drown, it is between 6 and 7pm, the time when I am most regularly not home. Sorry Ed.

Generally what happens is at 6pm we all eat together. Miss 2 finishes before the babies so one of us helps her get in the bath. Shortly after, one of the babies joins her in the bath so we have Parent One supervising the bath while Parent Two supervises the baby still eating. Once the second baby is ready, Parent Two will take the baby to the bath and swap him with the first baby who is now clean, get first baby dry and take him off to bed. Once the change table is clear, Parent One will get second baby out of the bath and into bed. Parent Two, after successfully putting one baby to bed, will then convince Miss 2 that it is time to get out of the bath and get her off to bed. 

Parent Two will usually emerge from Miss 2's bedroom feeling pretty awesome because they know all children are in bed but then find Parent One on the floor of the dining area trying to clean up the enormous mess which is somehow produced each night. We're not done yet. They will then help with the kitchen/dining cleaning before moving to the next job of tidying up the living area which is typically a carpet of toys and books. Finally, after all children are in bed and all cleaning and tidying is complete, we will both sit down. We are a team. Nobody sits down until it is all done.

This is the routine when we are both home. It's hard work. When Ed has to do it on his own, it is really hard work. To all the Dads out there who think they are awesome for sitting on the couch watching tv while your baby sleeps so that your wife can go out one night, yes you are doing something good. Yes, it might be a little difficult if the baby wakes up. However, until you have successfully fed, bathed and put to bed three under three, I'm not going to be impressed. Even then, it's parenting. It's not babysitting.

Means-testing the childcare rebate is a bad idea

I read this morning that 50 per cent of the population is female, 60 per cent of university graduate are female and only three per cent of CEOs are female. I don't know what the solution is to close the gap is but I can tell you right now that means-testing the childcare rebate will not help. It sends the complete wrong messages.  

It sends messages like we value women participating in the workforce until they achieve a certain level of success and then we will make it hard for them.  Worse than that, we value women in the workforce unless their partner is successful, in that case we want them at home.

Under the proposed changes recommended by the Productivity Commission, families with a combined income of more than $140,000 will generally be worse off than under the existing system. This is really not that much money. The average university graduate earns $66,000 per year after four years in the workforce.  

In my organisation, at my current level there is a relatively even number of men and women. At the next level, the ratio changes dramatically with far more men than women. There's no guarantee that I will ever be promoted to the next level and I have little aspiration to achieve CEO status but if I don't return to work then there is no chance of this happening.

Under the existing system, where I am eligible for a 50 per cent rebate, it will cost me $177.75 per day to send my three children to child care. If the proposed changes go ahead, I will pay even more. Another option is to wait until Jennifer is at kindy so then I'm only paying for two children to go to day care. Kindy runs from 8.50am to 2.50pm and is five days a fortnight. I would probably need to allow at least half an hour to get to and from work. This would mean I'd be there for a maximum of five hours per day two days a week and possibly an extra day every second week but then what do I do with Spencer and Lewis on that day? 

I also need to take into account the considerable effort that would go into getting three children out the door at a reasonable time and then caring for three exhausted children at the end of the day. Another option is to get a nanny but that comes with other concerns like children becoming attached to someone who isn't attached to them. There are so many things to consider and the point I'm trying to make is returning to work with young children is difficult. For me, means-testing the childcare rebate will just create another disincentive.