Fathering is not babysitting

My lovely husband cashed in the electricity credit we've been building up since having solar panels and surprised me with a new tablet/laptop thing. It's super cool! Today's blog is a tribute to him.

While I'm out on my own, it never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me who's babysitting the children. I always say something like "Ed is parenting them." When we had one baby I also found it quite irritating how impressed people were to find that my husband was capable of looking after her. Seriously people, it's not that hard. The only thing he cannot do is breastfeed but he's pretty good at heating up expressed breast milk. Really, not that hard.

We now have three children under three and at times it is hard to do on your own. It is particularly challenging between 6 and 7pm when they all have to be fed, bathed and put to bed, when they are all reaching the end of their tether and when you too are just looking forward to that moment when you can sit down. 

Unfortunately, when I have meetings they are always at 6pm. Even if the meeting only goes for half an hour it always seems to be at 6pm and so I miss the hour of power and Ed is left to do it on his own. He has managed this time without me far more frequently than I have without him and I am grateful. Apart from the general whinging and crying to worry about at this time of day, this is also the most hazardous time of the day so it is right to have heightened stress levels. In our house, if anyone is going to choke or drown, it is between 6 and 7pm, the time when I am most regularly not home. Sorry Ed.

Generally what happens is at 6pm we all eat together. Miss 2 finishes before the babies so one of us helps her get in the bath. Shortly after, one of the babies joins her in the bath so we have Parent One supervising the bath while Parent Two supervises the baby still eating. Once the second baby is ready, Parent Two will take the baby to the bath and swap him with the first baby who is now clean, get first baby dry and take him off to bed. Once the change table is clear, Parent One will get second baby out of the bath and into bed. Parent Two, after successfully putting one baby to bed, will then convince Miss 2 that it is time to get out of the bath and get her off to bed. 

Parent Two will usually emerge from Miss 2's bedroom feeling pretty awesome because they know all children are in bed but then find Parent One on the floor of the dining area trying to clean up the enormous mess which is somehow produced each night. We're not done yet. They will then help with the kitchen/dining cleaning before moving to the next job of tidying up the living area which is typically a carpet of toys and books. Finally, after all children are in bed and all cleaning and tidying is complete, we will both sit down. We are a team. Nobody sits down until it is all done.

This is the routine when we are both home. It's hard work. When Ed has to do it on his own, it is really hard work. To all the Dads out there who think they are awesome for sitting on the couch watching tv while your baby sleeps so that your wife can go out one night, yes you are doing something good. Yes, it might be a little difficult if the baby wakes up. However, until you have successfully fed, bathed and put to bed three under three, I'm not going to be impressed. Even then, it's parenting. It's not babysitting.

Means-testing the childcare rebate is a bad idea

I read this morning that 50 per cent of the population is female, 60 per cent of university graduate are female and only three per cent of CEOs are female. I don't know what the solution is to close the gap is but I can tell you right now that means-testing the childcare rebate will not help. It sends the complete wrong messages.  

It sends messages like we value women participating in the workforce until they achieve a certain level of success and then we will make it hard for them.  Worse than that, we value women in the workforce unless their partner is successful, in that case we want them at home.

Under the proposed changes recommended by the Productivity Commission, families with a combined income of more than $140,000 will generally be worse off than under the existing system. This is really not that much money. The average university graduate earns $66,000 per year after four years in the workforce.  

In my organisation, at my current level there is a relatively even number of men and women. At the next level, the ratio changes dramatically with far more men than women. There's no guarantee that I will ever be promoted to the next level and I have little aspiration to achieve CEO status but if I don't return to work then there is no chance of this happening.

Under the existing system, where I am eligible for a 50 per cent rebate, it will cost me $177.75 per day to send my three children to child care. If the proposed changes go ahead, I will pay even more. Another option is to wait until Jennifer is at kindy so then I'm only paying for two children to go to day care. Kindy runs from 8.50am to 2.50pm and is five days a fortnight. I would probably need to allow at least half an hour to get to and from work. This would mean I'd be there for a maximum of five hours per day two days a week and possibly an extra day every second week but then what do I do with Spencer and Lewis on that day? 

I also need to take into account the considerable effort that would go into getting three children out the door at a reasonable time and then caring for three exhausted children at the end of the day. Another option is to get a nanny but that comes with other concerns like children becoming attached to someone who isn't attached to them. There are so many things to consider and the point I'm trying to make is returning to work with young children is difficult. For me, means-testing the childcare rebate will just create another disincentive.

Phil the window man

It may not be as catchy as Bob the Builder but Jennifer is obsessed with Phil the window man. He has visited our house three times. The first time she wasn't sure about him - clung to my legs, peered at him skeptically, didn't say a word. The second time was during a thunder storm and she was pretty excited to watch him dash about measuring the windows in the rain but still did not say a word.

The third time was a whole other story. It started when she realised the banging noise was the window man using a hammer. "I have a hammer," she says. "Yes, you do," I say. "Show him!" she insists. So off we go to show the window man Jennifer's hammer. He gets down on one knee, has a really good look at her little, yellow hammer and then helps her hold his. "Bit heavy," she says and takes the yellow one back.

A little while later she hears the drill. "I have a drill too!" she says. "You sure do," I say. "I'm going to show him." So off she goes, by herself this time. A few minutes later she runs back, "Mummy, mummy, the window man has two drills!"

This is pretty much how the morning continues. They compare hammers, drills, measuring tapes and even chisels. He told me the job would take five hours. He was here for closer to seven and I'm pretty sure at least an hour of that can be put down to his enthusiastic apprentice. Now she's on to teaching the boys.

My g-rated fringe festival

I love this time of year in Perth. It is just so fun! Last night, Ed and I were having dinner at the Noodle Palace pre-show and I was wondering why I didn't get more into the Fringe Festival before having children. Turns out it only started in 2011 but just because I have children now, I don't have to miss out, I just have to change my focus.

There are a lot of late night shows and some which you have to be pretty open-minded about but there are actually plenty which are fun for the whole family. In my case, I have made this the whole extended family. If I can't fringe binge myself, I'll just share it around! 

I gave my nieces and nephew tickets to something which is coming up on the weekend as a birthday gift and I organised for Ed and my brother to take Jennifer and my other nephew to see Peter Combe's show, "Wash Your Kids in Orange Juice." As you can see from the photo, Jennifer quite enjoyed it. I, of course, wish I could have been there but seeing a photo of her so happy might just be enough.

Then finally last night, Ed and I went to see Luke Ryan in "A Funny thing Happened on the Way to Chemo". It was great. Very funny. Brought back some good and bad memories but overall just made me laugh. He's got a few more shows which apparently aren't sold out, so if you're looking for something to go to, I recommend it. 

Actually, just go to anything or just go into Fringe World and have a drink. There is such a great atmposhere around the city at the moment and the shows are so cheap, you really can't go wrong. 

Our giant effort. Part 2.

I am determined to enjoy the "incredible and phenomenal journey of the giants." We are not giving up. I study the maps again. New plan. Sunday morning, Langley Park. It's flat. Both giants are going to be there. I am sacrificing the babies' morning sleep. I'm sure this is going to be good. 

We get to the train station to find the lift is out of order. So is the up escalator. Come on! I carry/drag the children up the stairs, Ed and a kind stranger manage the roadtrain. That's ok. We can do this. I will not let Transperth rain on my parade. The train arrives. It is packed. We literally cannot get on. That's ok, there will be plenty of trains. We can do this. I am determined. 

We make it to Esplanade Station with approximately one million other people. As we make our way off the train, I immediately hear something about prams over the loudspeaker, something about folding them up to go the on the escalators. Ok, whatever, we're going to use the lift anyway. Oh no we're not, there is approximately 60 prams lined up outside the lift. There is only one lift. So we are going to use the escalators. Again, I pick up the boys and try to hold on to Miss 2's hand while Ed manages the equipment. It's awkward, I'm not comfortable. Miss 2 sees that the stairs are moving, she's starting to panic, I think she's going to bolt, now I'm starting to panic.

My look of fear must be clear. A lovely lady, aka my knight in shining high vis, swoops in and takes over Miss 2, escorting her with ease to the top of the escalator. She ushers us to the side while we wait for Ed. We pile everyone back on the roadtrain and emerge from the station feeling triumphant. We haven't seen a giant yet but I feel like we've achieved giant things. 

We get a pretty good spot, bump into some people we know, see both giants doing there thing. Catch the bus home. We did it.

Our giant effort. Part 1.

Ed and I have been excited about the Giants coming for months. We waited in anticipation for the journey routes to be released, studied the maps, cross-referenced to the babies sleep times, aligned to the train timetables. We had a plan, a good plan. Things did not go to plan.

Friday morning. We get on the train feeling extremely excited. Super stoked to learn that the big, man giant is having a sleep outside the train station. Bonus, we're going to get to see him. That wasn't even on the plan. All goes well and we find a pretty good spot near the corner of Barrack and Hay. This is going to be amazing. Cannot be more excited. We can hear the music, drums banging, or could that be giant footsteps? Very excited. 

Here she comes, here she comes, there she is, I can see her! Hang on? She's not walking? This isn't particularly impressive. What's going on? Now she's gone. She didn't even stop in the intersection where there were literally thousands of people waiting for her. Surely that's not it? What's going on? The crowd is sort of looking at each other with a mix of disappointment and confusion. 

We make our way back to the train station in a bit of a daze. What happened? Our plan was flawless. We stop to look at the big, sleeping man. 

Sitting on the train, we start to hear people talking. Turns our the little girl can't walk up hills so was being pushed on a trolley. That wasn't in any of the information I read. Why didn't it just say, "for the full effect, you are best to go to either the start or end point of the journey." I scroll through my facebook feed and see amazing pictures of the little girl in full action mode. I feel like I've failed my family. Not happy.

More about food

One great thing about food and babies is that they will pretty much eat anything...cucumber, corn, tomato, bread, leaves, dirty shoes. They are completely indiscriminate about what they put in their mouth.

Contrast this with a toddler. Miss 2 is a reasonably good eater but sometimes she just isn't and there is no rhyme nor reason. This week provides a perfect example. On Sunday, we had some butterfly lamb and corn-on-the-cob cooked on the barbecue. It was great. The boys were busy chewing on their corn while the rest of us chatted away happily. Miss 2 even asked for more meat. It was a very successful, happy meal. 

On Monday, Ed was out but the children and I basically had the same meal with the leftover lamb. Miss 2 refused to even put it in her mouth. It was exactly the same food. 

On Tuesday, I was out and yes they had leftovers again (it was a big piece of meat). Apparently she ate the lot. What was different about Monday's lamb? Absolutely nothing. 

I don't remember when Miss 2 switched from putting everything in her mouth to sometimes outright refusing to put something in her mouth. To be honest, whilst it's annoying I'm just pleased it doesn't involve additional cleaning up for me.